


Transitions

by AnnaMouse



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/F, Family, Mental Health Issues, Minor Character Death, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-15
Updated: 2012-02-15
Packaged: 2017-10-31 06:21:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 32
Words: 31,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/340908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnaMouse/pseuds/AnnaMouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard retires after the Reaper War and attempts to live a normal life in peace.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This work is intended for amusement without gain and is, therefore, fair use. Gratitude to Bioware/EA for a universe that is so fun to play around in.
> 
> This is dedicated to all those who strive to make the world a safer place for the ones we love.

Prologue:

Asari Matriarch Lady Dr. Liara T’soni, her people’s representative on the Citadel Council, looked into her beloved’s eyes.  They stared back blankly.  They never got the eyes right.

 _She_ had had such vibrant, penetrating, green eyes.  The portals to the soul.  These, rendered in solid Iridium, just didn’t have that spark.  Not now, nor when the installation was unveiled in the Citadel Presidium nearly 300 years ago.

Over the centuries she must have seen hundreds of the things.  Erected as memorials, or inspirations.  In town squares, or outside of high schools and universities.  In endless different poses and mediums.  On dozens of worlds.  They were all strikingly life-like, except in the eyes.

 _Oh Goddess_ , she thought, wistfully, to herself, _how I miss you._   Liara longed quietly for lost love and family.

Nearly three centuries of grieving had tempered the loss.  On any other day she could walk past the memorial without so much as a second, usually fond, thought of her deceased bond-mate.  Though, _she_ had always used the term _‘wife’_.  This day, however, always gave her pause.  As the oldest member of the Council, and one of the few living to have known _her_ personally, the duty (honor?) of addressing the Citadel on Remembrance Day befell Lady Liara.

She looked up at the imposing monument.  The “Viking Vikki” pose. Clad in weathered N7 combat armor, left foot perched on a dying Collector, the right hand held an assault rifle to her shoulder, her gauntleted left hand motioned forward.  This was how nearly every being in the known galaxy knew the “Savior of the Citadel”, the “Slayer of the Reapers”.  To Liara, these titles were meaningless.  To Liara, Admiral Victoria Shepard wasn’t a mythic hero.  She wasn’t a symbol.  To Liara, she was just Victoria, the only woman she would ever love.

Lady Liara put the memories aside and smoothed her elegant robes.  She placed her delicate blue hands upon the obsidian podium and looked out over the crowd.  Her inner emotional turmoil never showed on her dignified matriarchal face, she was too practiced for that.  Assembled before her on the marble Presidium Promenade were hundreds of representatives of the various species of known space.  Off to her right the reflecting pool shimmered silently.  In the distance the Mass Relay sculpture, the Conduit, stood silent sentinel.  She even spied the Rachni and Geth ambassadors viewing the ceremony from their embassy balconies to her left.  Her speech would be simul-cast over extra-net as well.

She took a breath, steadied herself, and spoke:

“The night before we dropped on Ilos I went to Commander Shepard’s stateroom.  I speak to you honestly, I was not confident that we would be able to stop Saren and Sovereign.  I wasn’t so much afraid of my own death, but of failing the rest of the galaxy.  I was looking for comfort.” 

The Matriarch lowered her head slightly in feigned shame.  She was no longer ashamed of the fear she had experienced so long ago.  Appearing mortal though, flawed even, to the crowd had the desired effect of solemnity.  _Goddess forgive me, I loath to make you a spectacle._   It wasn’t that Liara didn’t feel Shepard worthy of such adulation, she just disliked making her so inhuman.  She had loved a person, a beautiful dynamic person, not an idea. 

Lady Liara continued:

“Commander Shepard looked at me, cracked that grin she was known for,” Liara smirked herself, “and pointed me to a framed piece of yellowed paper hanging on her wall.  It read:

_Soldiers, sailors, and airmen of the Allied Expeditionary Force.  You are about to embark upon the great crusade, toward which we have striven these many months.  The eyes of the world are upon you. The hope and prayers of liberty-loving people everywhere march with you._

_\-- Dwight D. Eisenhower_

_June 6, 1944_

“She said to me,

“That was written and published on the eve of the invasion for which our ship is named.  It was, at that time, the single most important event in human history.  The fate of the entire human race, literally, hung in the balance.  The men who waded ashore and dropped from the sky during that battle felt the same way that you feel now.  That I feel.  They knew their odds.  They knew what was riding on them.  They were afraid.  There is no shame in fear, Liara.  It is nature’s way of telling us we’re still alive.

“Then she winked,

“Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway.

“We’ll come through this Liara.  We’ll succeed because we need to.  The galaxy needs us, and we’ll deliver.”

Liara looked at the crowd.  The bit about winking had elicited a few chuckles amongst them.  The ending quote, however, part of which was borrowed from a now half millennium-dead human actor, had substantially mollified them.  _That wasn’t nearly the most important thing she said, or did.  But I can’t talk about that to the crowd._ Liara sighed internally.  That night altered Liara’s life irrevocably.  It had been as if a light was lit within her heart.  Shepard was her first, her only, love.

“I learned many important lessons from Victoria Shepard.  We all stand together, a single galactic community.  Our fight against the Reapers, all those centuries ago, threw into stark relief our common interests, our need for cooperation.  While the Reaper threat has been long dispatched, the need for community remains.  This truth should be remembered along with all those who died to preserve it for us. 

“Thank you.”

After the speeches concluded, after the parades ceased, after the people went home, Liara remained.  She always remained.  Liara always knew she’d outlive her love.  A thousand year lifespan was both a blessing and a curse.  _Embrace the time you have together,_ went the Asari saying.  _If only memories would fill the hole you left in my heart_ , Liara thought to herself.

She closed her eyes.  Tilting her head back she basked her pale blue freckled face in the Presidium’s artificial sunlight.  She pictured her beloved’s face.  In her mind’s eye she could see her full lips, her emerald gaze, her flame red hair, let down as she kept it after her retirement.  She smiled, Victoria was so beautiful.  _Oh goddess, what I wouldn’t give for another moment with you!_   Again, she looked up into those dull Iridium eyes and her heart sank.  She was gone, long gone. 

Liara thought, _what would you think of all of this?  Would you take up the mantle for the sake of galactic cooperation and play this farce?  Would you shake your head and walk away, retire and live a quiet life?  Would that life include me?_   She lowered her gaze and turned away.

As was her custom, Matriarch Lady Dr. Liara T’soni retired to her quarters to reflect on her life, her loves and losses, triumphs and failures.  She sighed.  It always came down to the same thing, Shepard.


	2. Part 1, Chapter 1, Soldier:

Part 1, Chapter 1, Soldier:

 _The more things change, the more they stay the same._   Captain Victoria Shepard surveyed the Citadel Presidium from the balcony of the Alliance Embassy.  Utter devastation, that’s what came to mind when she thought about the Reaper War.  The Citadel had faired very well, but that wasn’t saying much.

War was fickle.  Millions had died in the wards.  C-SEC hadn’t been able to get the Citadel buttoned up quickly enough when the hammer-blow fell.  Strangely, here there was no damage.  In days past she would have been incensed.  The Council denies the existence of the Reapers, does nothing to prepare for their arrival, even actively hinders her efforts to stop them, and _they_ survive where the millions they were nominally supposed to serve died in their homes.  Now she was just too numb.  _Them’s the breaks._

Captain Shepard launched into an introspective exercise.  _Did she not care because the sheer magnitude of the disaster, literally on a galactic scale, was beyond human comprehension?  Or was she just a flawed person?_  The Councilor striding up behind her broke the trance.

“Captain.  Good to see you.”

Shepard turned to look at Councilor Anderson, “Thank you sir, you’re looking well yourself.”  Like the rest of the Council, Anderson had come through the War, at least the Citadel’s corner of it, unscathed.  _It’s good to see you made it friend_ , Victoria thought to herself, _some good people needed to make it through_.

“Are you ready Captain?”  Anderson pointed the way.  Shepard nodded and followed.  _This is going to be interesting._

Truly, Captain Shepard really didn’t know what was coming next.  _It’s not like they can do any worse than the Reapers,_ she chuckled internally.  Would they send her on a ‘victory tour’, trying to convince Citadel Space that all was well, as the _Destiny Ascension_ did after the First Battle of the Citadel?  Would she be sent back out into the fray to help pick up the pieces?  There were already some rumblings of rebellion in outlying systems.  How could you blame them?  After all, it’s not like the Council did anything to help them.  _Maybe they’ll give me a medal and a vacation._  

Indeed, that’s what Shepard hoped for.  She thought back to the night she killed the Shadow Broker.  Shepard smiled to herself at the memory.  She’d all but proposed to Liara T’soni then and there, promising her a herd of blue babies, maybe even a white picket fence, but she had decided to wait until the Reaper threat was dealt with.  Her smile widened when she thought of what came next.  All of the pent up stress and adrenaline from the fight with the Broker, even stretching back to the shootout with Vasir, had erupted in a glorious evening of frenetic love-making in her stateroom on _Normandy_.  Shepard’s heart picked up its pace just thinking about it.

_Well, you faced down a hyper-race of sentient starships bent on galactic genocide; you can face down a handful of politicians._

The door to the council chambers opened.


	3. Part 1, Chapter 2, Maiden:

 Part 1, Chapter 2, Maiden:

 _Who would have known an archeologist’s life would be so exciting_ , Dr. Liara T’soni thought to herself as she looked at The Conduit.  What was once taken for granted as a Prothean monument to their own ingenuity turned out to be a point-to-point Mass Relay to Ilos, which she and Shepard had proven in spectacular fashion nearly three years ago.  It stood now, as it did then, silently over a small reflecting pool in the Presidium’s embassy district. 

She looked up to the balcony where Shepard had gone to meet with Councilor Anderson.  She had an audience with the Citadel Council that ought to be starting soon.  Liara reached into her robes and produced a platinum pocket watch, _such a beautiful anachronism_.  She checked the time, _she should be in the council chambers by now_ , and closed the face.  Rolling it over in her delicate blue hands she read the inscription on the reverse:

_My Dear Azure Rose,_

_To You I Commit My Heart,_

_My Love, Forever._

“That was a lovely haiku,” a voice from behind.

Liara jumped slightly and turned to see her new companion by the reflecting pool.  The Consort Sha’ira glided to her side.  “I’m sorry?”

“Oh, forgive me,” said the Consort, “I overheard you just now.  That was a very beautiful haiku.  Whoever wrote that for you must care for you a great deal?”

 _Was I speaking out loud?_   The part of Liara’s brain that was lost in nostalgia rebooted into information broker mode.  “She certainly does, Mistress Sha’ira,” she smiled coyly, “but you already knew that.”

The beautiful Asari Matriarch smiled, “I’m not here to speak business,” the Consort was a substantial information broker in her own right, “I wanted to thank you for helping a friend.”  She paused, looked at the Conduit, and turned to face Liara.  “I received a note from Matron Erinya.  She said that Shepard spoke with her while she was on Illium working with you.” 

The Consort looked wistful.  Liara struggled to determine if it was an act or genuine emotion.  “One of my acolytes died during the First Battle of the Citadel, Erinya was her mother.  I like to think I’m fairly talented at helping clients work through whatever issues they might have, but Erinya wouldn’t speak with me.  I was too close to her loss.  Well, one of them anyway.  She had a second daughter elsewhere on the Citadel die in the battle as well.”  She paused, “Shepard, however, I’m not sure what she said, but it was a complete turnaround.”

Liara looked at the Consort, “Shepard has a way with people.”

The Consort smirked and said, “I also wanted to express my congratulations.”

Liara cocked her head slightly, “Thank you, but it was really mostly Shepard.  I was just along for the ride.”

The Consort smiled and shook her head.  “Enjoy the haiku Dr. T’soni.”  Sha’ira turned with a fluid motion and walked away towards her chambers.

 _What’s a haiku?_   Liara thought to herself, _another human word I’ll have to look up._


	4. Part 1, Chapter 3, Soldier:

Part 1, Chapter 3, Soldier:

 _Holy shit, did that just happen?_   Rear Admiral (Lower Half) Victoria Shepard, Alliance Navy [Semi-Retired] / Citadel Council Spectre [Semi-Retired] strode away from the Council Tower towards the Presidium Promenade.  Shepard’s pace quickened, maybe if she just walked faster she could get ahead of the emotional wave building behind her.  _It’s over.   It’s really over._ Of course she wasn’t retired yet, well, not really.  She was on indefinite paid leave pending formal debriefing and recognition of her efforts.  Undoubtedly she’d have to sit through some parades or other such nonsense, but, _it’s over!_

The meeting was surprisingly bland.  No mention of the recovery efforts.  No mention of the Rachni queen’s reappearance, pivotal help in the war, and request for an embassy on the Citadel.  No mention of similar requests from the Geth, or their apparent reconciliation with the Quarian Flotilla.  Nothing of substance.  _Holy shit!  I’m done!_

It became too much, she spied a park bench and walked toward it.  Sitting down she smoothed her skirt, interlaced her fingers on her lap, and tried to remain composed.  Her thoughts raced.  Her heart raced.  She replayed the meeting in her mind:

“We owe you a debt,” the Solarian representative had said, “one that, I’m afraid, we can probably never properly repay.”

Shepard had stood in her ‘dress blues’, motionless at ‘parade-rest’, and took in the scene.  Emotions swirled within her.  Anger: _Fucking right you do, and not just me!_   Sadness: _How many people would still be alive if you’d acted sooner?_ Apathy: _It doesn’t matter.  Nothing matters._   This last emotion surprised her the most.  The past several years, not counting the two years she was ‘dead’, everything mattered.  The whole damn universe, they were depending on _her_!  Now?  Why the sudden change?  She was shaken from her reverie.

“Captain,” said the Asari representative, “we were wrong.  This is a fact we cannot deny, and can only hope history doesn’t take too dim a view of us for our shortsightedness.”  The Turian representative’s mouthparts twitched slightly.  Garrus had once mentioned this was a gesture of embarrassment.  “We will never know how things might have unfolded differently if you had only had the support you deserved.  At this point, we can only offer you, and the entire galaxy, our profound apologies.”  _That’s an understatement_ , thought Shepard.

“Our respective races have recalled us as no longer fit to sit upon this prestigious council,” the Turian representative hung his head slightly.  “However, before we depart, we wish to offer you what is truly a tiny token of the thanks we owe you.”

“It is our honor,” spoke the Asari representative, “to bestow upon you our races’ highest military awards; the _Nova Cluster_ of the Turian Hierarchy, and the _Silver Dagger_ of the Salarian Union.  This is only the second time these awards have been granted to a human.  The first, of course, was your Lieutenant Alenko following his actions on Vermire.”  A feeling of loss jabbed through Shepard’s gut.  She remembered her last radio transmission to the Lieutenant, _fight hard, die well._   She remembered the white flash of the twenty kiloton improvised explosive device detonating.  She remembered the Wilson cloud expanding rapidly in the humid swamp air, quickly replaced by the all too familiar fireball and mushroom cloud.  _We held the line._   She returned to the present.

“As for the Alliance,” Councilor Anderson piped up having taken his place on the dais, “you’re being promoted to admiral, and you’ve been awarded the _Star of Terra_ ,” he paused, “again.”  Anderson had a smirk on his face.  “At least until or unless we can come up with something better.”   _Thank you old friend_ , thought _Admiral_ Shepard.  “And is there anything else we can do for you?” asked Anderson.  His smile widened.

“I’ll make a list.”  Anderson chuckled in response.  “And I’m retiring,” said Shepard.


	5. Part 1, Chapter 4, Maiden:

Part 1, Chapter 4, Maiden:

“Greeting Shadow Broker,” said the mindless VI all the way from over the planet Hagalaz.  _Goddess, that is bothersome,_ thought Liara.  She had found a quiet corner of the Presidium Promenade and established a secure link to the Shadow Broker Base for a quick status update. 

“Apologies Dr. T’soni,” said EDI’s voice, “The Shadow Broker’s old VI is still quicker at answering the comms than I am.  With the hardware at my disposal I am running at capacity just to coordinate active intelligence operations.”

“I’ll see about getting you some more processing power next time I’m in the neighborhood,” responded Liara.  After _Normandy_ and her crew rebelled against the Illusive Man, Shepard and EDI had come to her with an interesting proposal.  _EDI can spin off a simplified copy of herself that can run Shadow Broker operations from the Hagalaz base.  The hardware on the ship isn’t nearly as powerful as what we have here on_ Normandy _, but it should be capable of keeping tabs on things.  Neither you nor Veron needs to stay out there if you don’t want to.  You can even patch in through a secure omni-tool utility._  

As it turned out, the EDI clone was doing a smashup job.  _I was afraid I would never be able to leave that ship,_ Liara thought.  Without it she would never have spent those glorious months with Shepard between her Collector Base mission and the start of the Reaper War.

“Report status,” queried Liara.

“All operations are proceeding within acceptable parameters, Dr. T’soni.  We have just received confirmation; war crimes charges against Captain Shepard have been officially dropped by the Batarian Hegemony.”  Liara smiled to herself at that one.  _Give me ten minutes, I can start a war,_ she had once said to Shepard.  _It would seem that can cut both ways._

“Anything new on the board?”

“No new opportunities of sufficient magnitude that I haven’t already addressed them per your instructions, Dr. T’soni.”

“The competition?”

“I have received no new information to discern if the Illusive Man is dead or just gone to ground.”

“And my usual line of inquiry?”

“Similarly, I have no information as to the status or location of Operative Lawson, Justicar Samara, nor Subject Zero.”

Liara sighed to herself.  The idea of friends still unaccounted for troubled her.  Were they alive but out of contact?  Were they among the billions of war dead?  Were they dead at the hands of the Illusive Man and his remaining network of operatives?  Was the Illusive Man still a threat, or was he dead at the hands of her friends?  Or perhaps he was just another rotting corpse in one of the multitude of mass graves shaping up throughout the galaxy?  Liara was accustomed to having all of the answers.  Being in the dark upset her. 

Sensing the pause, the EDI clone spoke up, “Will there be anything else Dr. T’soni?”

“Yes.  Please probe the Consort’s information network.  I just had a conversation that made it sound like she knew something about me, or possibly Shepard, that I wasn’t aware of.  I’d like to know what it was.  Or if she was just prodding me.”

“Of course Dr. T’soni.”

“That is all.  Please disconnect.”

“Logging you out.”

Liara powered down her omni-tool.  She reached into her pocket and produced the watch.  It was time.


	6. Part 1, Chapter 5, Soldier:

Part 1, Chapter 5, Soldier:

Admiral Shepard was so lost in thought that she didn’t hear the Asari approach.  When the Consort Sha’ira entered her peripheral field of view Shepard’s head snapped up.  She went to reach for her sidearm but stopped herself, she was unarmed and unarmored.  _Holy shit!  If she were an enemy I’d be dead_ , Shepard silently chastised herself.

“Lost in thought Shepard?”

Shepard stood, “Mistress Sha’ira, it’s very good to see you well,” she said earnestly.  _Another good person made it through_.

“And you Admiral.  Yes, I already know,” she said disarmingly.  “I have sources after all,” she smiled.  _Indeed you do.  I remember when I was convinced you were the Shadow Broker.  Wow, that had been way off the mark.  You’re losing your touch Vikki._   Though, the Consort certainly did have an extensive intelligence operation by the very nature of her business.

Shepard chuckled to herself, “Of course you do.”  She rubbed the back of her neck and rolled her right shoulder, “What makes you think I’m lost in thought?”

“You seemed to be concentrating very hard.  Something on you mind?  All things considered, I’d say life has become much less complicated for you.”  She smiled gently, “My schedule’s opened up somewhat, would you like to chat?  Gratis,” she smiled again.

Shepard smiled in return, “I’d like that, though I don’t know if I’m ready to talk about everything yet. I’m still collating.”  She motioned for the Consort to sit next to her, “I do have a question though.”

The elegant Asari Matriarch gracefully sat next to the terran legend, “Whenever you’re ready, my door is always open to you.  What’s your question?”

“Any special traditions I should know about if I want to marry an Asari?  Do I need to ask her _father’s_ permission?” Shepard chuckled.  Asari did not have fathers in the human sense of the word.

Sha’ira smiled, “As with any people, there are many traditions.  I think your instincts will guide you well, as they always have.”  The Consort paused, “If you’re looking for Lady Benezia’s mate I think I can put you in touch with…”

“Matriarch Aethyta, at the Eternity Lounge, Nos Astra, Illium?”  The Consort’s jaw dropped, her dignified carriage momentarily disrupted by surprise.  “I have my sources too,” Shepard winked.


	7. Part 1, Chapter 6, Maiden:

Part 1, Chapter 6, Maiden:

“Please be seated Dr. T’soni,” the Asari ambassador said from behind her desk.  Technically the number two Asari on the Citadel behind the Councilor, she still carried herself with a haughty superiority that irked Liara.  _Shepard had an expression for people like this, what was it?_   “We would like to talk to you about a few things of great import.”  _She’s using the ‘majestic plural’?  Oh right, now I remember,_ douche-biscuit _.  I really need to get a book of human phrases if I’m going to spend any time with Victoria._

“How may I help the Asari Republics?” replied Liara evenly.  While she couldn’t imagine how this meeting would end poorly, Liara felt a bit put out having to sit in this woman’s office answering questions.  _Oh how I miss the quiet of my dig sites,_ she thought.  _Though, look at the life of adventure my interest in archeology has brought me._

“We’d like you to speak with Sister Amana,” she motioned to the light armor-clad commando standing against the opposite wall.  “She’s the lead Commando Sister from the _Destiny Ascension_.  She would like to review your tactical experiences with the Reapers, hopefully glean some insights in case they return again.”

“Beg your pardon Madam Ambassador, but the Reapers are dead.  They won’t be coming back.”

The Ambassador nearly cut her off, “There are those within the various galactic governments who think otherwise.  We want to be ready.”

_So you didn’t believe Shepard when she first told you of the Reaper threat, and now that it’s gone you won’t believe her again?_   Liara was almost beyond being upset by politician stupidity.  _Almost._   “If the Republics insist, I’d be glad to speak with Sister Amana.”

“Very good,” she replied.  “And one last thing.  Despite her treachery, we’ve,” _there was the majestic plural again_ , “reached consensus that you should officially inherit Lady Benezia’s title and properties on Thessia, in recognition of your contribution in the recent hostilities.”

Liara bit her tongue rather than snap at the Ambassador, her fingertips dug into the arms of her chair.  Mother was _not_ a traitor.  She was indoctrinated by Sovereign, not a willing participant.  She didn’t even care about the title and property.  What she cared about was her mother’s legacy.  Sadly, that was probably already lost.  Her fingers relaxed, “My gratitude,” she heard herself say, detached.

“Excellent.  I must attend to other business.  If you would follow Amana, she’ll escort you to your debriefing.”  The Ambassador looked down at her data pad and began to read, already dismissing their presence.

Another human expression Shepard had taught her came to mind, _Fuck Your Couch!_

The commando approached.  Liara regarded her with a narrowed brow.  She hadn’t seen such a menacing Asari since Tela Vasir had tried to assassinate her, and kill Shepard.  _That was not a good day._   They stepped out of the office and the door thumped closed behind them. 

Amana regarded Liara severely, “Don’t mind her, she’s a serious bitch.”  Her expression relaxed noticeably, “Let’s go get a beer.”

Liara exhaled deeply.  She hadn’t noticed she was holding her breath.


	8. Part 1, Chapter 7, Soldier:

Part 1, Chapter 7, Soldier:

Liara would be tied up at the Asari embassy for at least a couple of days debriefing with the ambassador, the incoming new councilor, and some commando sisters.  Shepard took the opportunity to make a discrete inquiry.

She hopped a fast lighter to Illium.  _I miss the days when I could just tell Joker to zip the Normandy across the galaxy without a second thought._ Unfortunately for her, _Normandy_ was no longer under her command.  She was currently in dry dock awaiting repairs and a new commander, then on to lead a Wolf Pack in the Alliance 5 th Fleet along with two brand new _Normandy-Improved (SR-2)_ class frigates _Khe Sanh_ and _Khafji_. 

It was amazing how quickly _Normandy’s_ sister ships could be put into service after she brought _SR-2_ over to the Alliance.  EDI had complete blueprints squirreled away within her databases, and _Cerberus_ had fabricated all the long-lead items necessary for another two _SR-2_ class ships.  _Appropriating_ the hulks and parts for the Alliance Navy wasn’t a big deal in the grand scheme of things.  _The Illusive Man was holding out on all of us about how much of_ Cerberus’ _resources building_ Normandy _had expended.  They were going to field a small fleet,_ Shepard thought to herself.  They’d even seen very limited action in the Reaper War as stealth reconnaissance platforms since they weren’t fully fitted out with weapons.

The Alliance had done a nice job of integrating the new _Normandy_ into the fleet after Shepard and her crew had mutinied against the Illusive Man and took her home.  _It only took them three days to re-paint it._   Still, she was sad to see her go.  It was almost like losing a family member.

Victoria could feel the subtle shift as she exited the universe as she knew it and flashed thousands of light years between mass relays.  In an instant she was in the Tasale system falling down the star’s gravity well towards a rendezvous with Illium.

A few hours later the lighter touched down at the Nos Astra spaceport and she worked her way through customs.  The Asari customs official blanched, as much as any Asari could blanch, when she saw “Victoria R. Shepard, Alliance Navy” on her ID.  She was about to say something when an old friend ambled up behind her.  Detective Anaya put a finger to her lips and winked.  The customs official nodded, and in an unexpected gesture placed her right hand to Shepard’s heart and mouthed the words _goddess’ peace_.

After they cleared customs Shepard turned to the detective and asked, “Glad you got my message, I appreciate the help.  What was that about?”

“Asari custom, one of the more superstitious.  You’re somewhat of a hero around these parts, if you hadn’t guessed.”  They walked onto the Nos Astra Exchange trading floor at a good clip lest she was recognized.  Shepard wanted to be as discrete as possible, the few faces that showed flickers of recognition passed by before they could make a scene.  War damage on Illium was also surprisingly light.  A few of the larger buildings were hit; Dantius Tower One was conspicuously missing next to its severely damaged twin. 

“How is our Justicar friend?” the detective asked.

“Afraid I don’t know.  After we came back through the Omega-4 relay she took off after the Illusive Man with Miranda and Jack.  I received a message that they were on to him, but then the war started.  I haven’t heard from them since.  I can only assume they didn’t make it.”  Shepard’s head dipped slightly, _more people I’ve let down._

“How’d you convince her to hunt down that _Cerberus_ guy?” Anaya asked.

“I didn’t have to.  After we got back I released her from her bond, figured she’d be off after that.  Apparently I wasn’t the only person who chatted with her in the observation lounge on _Normandy_.  Miranda convinced her that the Illusive Man was bad news and deserved some justice.”

“Just like that?”

“Just like that, and that wasn’t the strangest thing,” Anaya looked over at Shepard disbelieving.  _Strange?  What isn’t strange nowadays_?  The two women climbed the stairwell on the far side of the trading floor and moved towards the entrance of the Eternity Lounge, “Yeah, that biotic nut-job we had living in our basement actually signed right up to help Miranda.  Not a week earlier I needed to pry them apart with a fire-ax.  Suddenly they were on the same side.  Damnedest thing,” she shook her head.

They reached the door to the lounge and stopped, “Not sure what you’re up to, but good luck,” said the detective.  “Drop by the station sometime, it’d be nice to catch up.”  Detective Anaya snapped off a sardonic salute, smirked, and was off.

Shepard paused.  _Come on Vikki, you just saved the galaxy from extermination.  This should be nothing_ , she thought. 

_Here we go._

*****

“Hey babe, welcome back.  Can I get you anything?  Sorry…”

“No sex, just cleaned the bar,” Shepard parroted back the usual spiel. 

The Asari Matriarch lowered her voice somewhat, “So, Ms. Hero, what brings you back our way?”

 _Banzai!_   Shepard thought, _here goes._   “I want to marry your daughter.” 

The most transient of twitches crossed her pale blue face but she recovered immediately.  _Guess you learn to think on your feet after a thousand or so years._   “Hang on a second,” Aethyta motioned to one of her employees to take her post and came around the bar to Shepard’s side, “Let’s find a quiet place to talk.”

They took a private booth in the back room, so happened that _Eternity Lounge_ was having a slow day, and sat down.  “I’m not going to ask how you found out,” she smirked, “Frankly, with Liara’s skill-set, I’m surprised she didn’t come in to see me years ago.”  She leaned back and sighed, “So you’ve come to ask my daughter’s hand in marriage?  Isn’t that a bit old fashioned?  Human fashioned I mean.”

“I suppose,” Shepard replied, “I figured I ought to at least speak with you, if for nothing else to tell you that Liara would probably not react poorly to learning who her mother’s mate was.”  Shepard shifted, uncomfortable with her thoughts, “What with all the recent upheaval, it makes one appreciate family in a new light.  Yes?”

Aethyta managed a facial expression that was at once sagely and conspiratorial, “I would say so.  What did you have in mind?  Just drop in on her?  Surprise!  Daddy’s home?”

“Nothing so dramatic.  In fact, I’d suggest letting her make the first move.  I ask because I know she’s taken Benezia’s death poorly.  I can feel it,” she paused, “In the joining.”

Aethyta chuckled, “My my!  Is the big bad war hero shy talking about sex?  Lighten up Shepard, I expect sturdy granddaughters from you.  I don’t want you raising them to be prudes!” 

“Well, it’s always a bit awkward when you let on your fucking daddy’s little girl,” Shepard responded.  “We humans have a fine tradition that involves cleaning shotguns at the family dinner table.”

She smiled.  The Matriarch was disarming.  _No wonder she makes a good bartender_. 

Aethyta sighed, “I hadn’t seen Benezia for almost 100 years before she died, and I still took her death poorly.  I can only imagine what it was like for our _‘little wing’_.  I wish you could have met her before whatever it was possessed her to turn traitor.” 

 _I wish I didn’t have to kill her in front of her daughter when I met her._   For a moment Shepard could remember the antiseptic smell of the hot labs of Noveria.

 “Look what you’ve done.  Now you’ve got me feeling all sentimental.”  She sighed again, “I should have spoken to Liara sooner.  That’s my failing.  I’m a bit of a wuss, to borrow a phrase.”  Her face screwed up in introspection, “Things never would have worked out between Benezia and me, but she was still an amazing woman.  Here,” she reached under her robes and produced a thin necklace sporting a large blue diamond, “Benezia gave this to me when she told me she was pregnant.”  Aethyta smirked, “Then she told me to hit the road.”

She handed the necklace to Shepard.  “You have my _blessing_ to wed my daughter,” she said, barely able to suppress a smirk, “Please give this to her.  Tell her that I care for her very much, I always have.  Also that, when she’s ready, we can catch up.”

Admiral Shepard stood, embraced her soon to be _father_ -in-law, and left.  She made it back to the Citadel quickly enough that her absence was barely noticed.


	9. Part 1, Chapter 8, Maiden:

Part 1, Chapter 8, Maiden:

Liara T’soni stretched.  A broad smile crossed her delicate blue face, _this is perfect._   She was content, complete.  Opening her eyes she took in the vista.  Beyond her feet, through the massive windows, Mt. Rainer dominated her entire field of view.  This was her favorite spot so far.  Indeed, two weeks into a month-long holiday every new stop brought sights she could only have dreamed of. 

It had taken some coaxing.  At first Shepard didn’t want to play the tourist.  “Large chunks of the galaxy are smoking rubble, seems wrong to be going on holiday,” she’d said.  Fortunately for Liara, Shepard just couldn’t resist her.  She’d promised that they wouldn’t get in the way of any recovery efforts, and besides, they could certainly use the tourism credits.  That’d clinched it, they were off.

They’d landed at the Cape Canaveral Spaceport, one of the ancestral homes of human spaceflight.  Shepard was so excited to show Earth to her, a rapid departure from her initial reluctance.  Despite being a ‘space-baby’ as she’d put it, and only visiting it occasionally, she loved her home world.  She was eager to share it with her.

Then north to New York City, what was left of it anyway.  The Reapers had concentrated on the dense population centers; New York _was_ one of the largest.  Manhattan Island was a moonscape pockmarked with dark craters.  Central Park, until recently the only green patch for 100 kilometers in any direction, was blackened ash.  A few dozen kilometers out, on Long Island and in New Jersey, a few darkened metal frames marked the graves or former skyscrapers.  Yet, amongst the wreckage, hundreds of miniature suns flared.  Thousands of workers toiled with cutting torches and earth movers to sift through the rubble.  The city that never sleeps was waking up.

 From there to Normandy, France, _SSV Normandy’s_ namesake.  Victoria had gotten a far-away look on her face when she described what had happened over 200 years ago.  She looked at the ‘Atlantic Wall’ and thousands upon thousands of neat grave markers, each lovingly maintained for over two centuries.  She’d been getting those looks lately.  If Liara wasn’t having such a great time she would have worried over it more.  Off to the north a haze lay on the horizon, London still smoldered. 

From there, eastward to Olduvai and further to the Fertile Crescent, “This is where it started Liara.  This is the cradle.  Look how far we’ve come in only a few lifetimes,” she looked coyly at her, “Asari lifetimes at any rate.”  Shepard was bearing herself to her in a fundamental way.  _This is who I am, this is who_ we _are._

Further east to the ruggedly beautiful Hokkaido, then south.  They flew past the smoking crater that _was_ the Greater Tokyo Megalopolis.  Tokyo was in worse shape than the big apple, if only for the greater area of devastation.  Here too, however, the ground teemed with workers starting to rebuild. 

Then on to Hiroshima, totally unscathed in a bit of historical irony.  Shepard got another faraway look in her eyes when she described the importance of this city.  _We’re capable of so much, but with good comes bad.  Are you comfortable with us?_   Liara had taken her hand and squeezed it gently, this seemed to quite her lover’s nerves somewhat.

South, to the Great Barrier Reef.  _Goddess, even more colorful than Thessia!_   They’d spent several days snorkeling and relaxing with the locals who were still in a state of shock over the war, but grateful and delighted to have visitors.

Then, finally, on to the Pacific Northwest of North America.  Shepard had explained that while her family now made its home in space, she had deep roots in the area.  They’d spent the last five days in the shadow of Mt. Rainer, crisply beautiful in an uncharacteristic series of clear days.  The scenery was perfect.  There was no indication of the war devastation, some as close as 150 kilometers.

Liara T’soni rose quietly from the bed lest she wake her sleeping beloved.  _She’s very tired after all,_ she thought to herself with a grin.  Wrapping herself in a silk robe she stepped out the door onto a large porch.  The morning air outside was cold and crisp, she breathed in deep, it stung her lungs.  Birds chirped in the distance.  A mild breeze rustled the tops of the pine trees.  _Perfect._

Liara inhaled sharply.  A cold hand had reached from behind and into her robe, it gently cupped her left breast.  The nipple immediately hardened.  “I thought you were asleep,” she said to Shepard.  Victoria didn’t respond.  She pulled Liara closer and gently bit down on one of her ‘hair’ folds.  Another yelp, she was tingling all over now. 

Shepard ran her free hand down Liara’s right side, its passage left a path of gooseflesh in its wake.  She gently reached forward between Liara’s legs and briefly let a fingertip enter her.  It lingered a moment and she drew it away suddenly.  Liara gasped, her pulse raced.  “Victoria!” she spun rapidly to look into Shepard’s emerald eyes, “You tease!  What will the neighbors think?” she asked jokingly.

Shepard looked down at Liara. She stood just shy of 190 centimeters, about fifteen taller than the Asari.  Her face softened significantly.  “I want the whole universe to see this,” she said as she took a step back.  She hiked up the hem of her robe, a twin to the one she’d picked up for Liara in Japan, and dropped to her knee with the alacrity of a veteran infantryman preparing to fire a rifle.  “The past several years of my life have been one big blur of fear and uncertainty.  Through it all, though, I’ve known one thing for true.  Ever since I first met you on Therum, even before I’d freed you from that Prothean security barrier, I’ve loved you.”  She reached into her robe’s pocket.

 _Oh, goddess!_   Liara’s heart nearly leapt from her chest.  Shepard slipped a white-gold ring hosting a large blue diamond onto her finger.

“Liara T’soni, be my wife.”  She paused, “ _Embrace eternity_ with me,” she said with a wink and a beaming smile.

“Goddess!  Of course!” she replied.

*****

Hours later, exhausted, contented, Liara nuzzled against Shepard and looked at the ring.  “It’s beautiful, where did you get it?”

Victoria looked into her eyes, blue-within-blue eyes, and spoke, “The setting was my mother’s.  Remember that Alliance reception we went to?  The one on the night the war started?”  Liara nodded.  “Before all hell broke loose, I took my mother aside and told her how much I loved you.”  She squeezed Liara, “I was actually afraid of what she might say.  I figured this was probably the first time she heard I was into aliens.  Or women.”  She chuckled, “Like it mattered to her.”

“What did she say?”

“She said that she saw the way my face lit up when I was with you.  She said that she’d been watching us from across the reception hall, and that she couldn’t help but approve of anything that made me so happy.  Then she reached into her tunic and pulled this ring off of her dog-tag chain.”  She interlocked her fingers with Liara, “She said that this ring had been in our family for a long time and that she had been waiting for the day when she could pass it down to me.”

“Your mother was a wonderful woman,” Liara almost bit her tongue, “I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s fine,” Victoria said flatly.  Shepard was finally coming to grips with the loss of _SSV Orizaba_ and her mother along with millions of others who had just lost loved ones, “she really was.”  Shepard sighed, “I wish she had the chance to get to know you better.  I was going to introduce you to her when, well, when everything started happening.  So, that’s where the ring came from.”

“And the stone?”

“The stone,” Shepard paused for a moment, unsure, then plowed ahead, “Is a blue diamond which was originally a gift from the Lady Benezia to her bond-mate.”

Liara propped herself on an elbow suddenly.  She looked her love in the eyes, “Her bond-mate?  You mean her mate, my _father_?  You know who she is?”

“Yes.  I pieced it together from some conversations I had on Illium, and some video archives I watched on the Shadow Broker’s ship.”  She looked into the Asari’s eyes terrified that she’d somehow upset her.  She found no animosity, just a profound curiosity, eagerness, “When I told the Council that I was retiring, I knew what I wanted with the rest of my life.  It didn’t feel quite right without asking your _dad_ ,” she smirked, “If it was ok to marry you.  I hopped a quick transport to Illium, and asked her.

“I walked right into her bar in Nos Astra.  She gave me the usual greeting,” she dropped into a throaty sensual voice, “ _Hey babe, welcome back.  Can I get you anything?  Sorry, no sex, just cleaned the bar._ ”  Shepard actually giggled slightly.  “I just said: _I want to marry your daughter_.”  Liara’s eyes bulged slightly.  _Go on_ , they said silently.  “To her credit, she didn’t miss a beat.  She asked me how long I’d known she was your other parent.  She asked me how I felt about you.  She said that she felt a coward for never seeking you out, and that she wouldn’t blame you if you hated her for it.”  Shepard paused, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to put you on the spot like that I…”

Liara stopped her speaking with a kiss, “It’s perfect.  It’s overwhelming, but I can’t think of a more touching gesture from all three of you.”  Before Shepard could say anything she gasped as Liara slipped a finger inside of her, “Though this is a fairly touching gesture, yes?” 

They nearly missed their shuttle to Fleet Base Vancouver that evening.


	10. Part 1, Chapter 9, Soldier:

Part 1, Chapter 9, Soldier:

“Joker!  Increase speed to flank, snap to kill-box one-two-zero.  EDI!  Target the main gun on that rupture in the Reaper’s side, the one up by the base of that tentacle.”

“Speed to flank, maneuvering to kill-box one-two-zero, aye aye skipper!”

“Target set Shepard.”

Captain Shepard could feel the _Normandy’s_ mass effect core thrumming deep within the ship.  The sheer volume of violence taking place on the main tactical display, normally the galaxy map, was daunting.  _I’ll never disparage an AI again,_ Shepard thought to herself.  She’d never be able to do this without her (it?).

Shepard’s green eyes flicked left and right.  She identified _SSV Orizaba_ by her ident-tag, _mother._ A plan gelled in her mind.  “EDI, contact fire-control on _Orizaba_ , I want a max velocity rail-gun round on that rupture just before we complete our payload run.”

“Fire-mission laid in and confirmed,” EDI responded a fraction of a second later.

 _SSV Orizaba_ ponderously pitched about her center of mass to lay her main gun on the Reaper.  Forsaking the god’s-eye-view of the entire battle for a close-up, Shepard zoomed the tactical display to watch her target.  The Reaper, contrasting sharply with the full moon behind it, filled an increasing portion of her field of view as they approached.  “ _Orizaba_ firing now,” chimed EDI.  As if on cue, 20 kilograms of iron erupted from _Orizaba’s_ main gun at over 4,000 kilometers per second.  _Way to go mom!  Normandy’s_ Thanix Cannon roared to life.  Easily audible vibrations worked their way from the weapon bay to the CIC.

Things happened very rapidly.  _Orizaba’s_ rail-gun round impacted on the Reaper’s kinetic barrier, flashed with the ‘light of a thousand suns’, and punched through.  The majority of its kinetic energy spent, the ferrous slug itself did little damage upon the Reaper.  It did, however, open a hole in its kinetic barrier wide enough for _Normandy_ to unload its upgraded main weapon into the Reaper’s interior.

The results were spectacular.  The Reaper literally unzipped along its long axis, secondary explosions seemingly ruptured the Reaper’s mass effect core.  Shepard grinned to herself.  She reached for the communications control to snap a quick congratulation to her mother when the unthinkable happened.  One of the Reaper’s tentacles broke loose and tumbled towards _SSV Orizaba._   Impossibly slow _SSV Orizaba_ attempted to dodge, but she never had a chance. 

_Mother!_

Victoria Shepard snapped awake aboard the shuttle from Vancouver.  Her heart pounded, her lungs clawed for air, tears poured down her face.  _Mother!_   Shepard sobbed.  _I killed mother!_ A cool pair of hands gently caressed her face.  “Shepard,” Liara cooed quietly, “It’s ok, we’re ok.  It’s over.”

Shepard looked up at her fiancé.  She lost control.  Shepard grabbed Liara by the shoulders and buried her face in her breasts.  She sobbed uncontrollably.

The cabin crew averted their eyes.


	11. Part 1, Chapter 10, Maiden:

Part 1, Chapter 10, Maiden:

Liara cradled her beloved.  Victoria had cried herself back to sleep.  _Oh my love, what can I do for you?_   Liara was at a loss.  She had occasional nightmares from her experiences, but they were fleeting.  Victoria’s, though, were increasing in frequency.  She also noticed it during the meld, despite Shepard’s efforts to hide it.

She worried about it, though she was also a bit flattered.  Shepard, always the hero, tried to shield her from harm.  Impossible.  During the meld they became one.  Physical intimacy, while it usually accompanied their joining, didn’t compare.  _You’re always saving me.  How do I save you?_  

Liara’s omni-tool chirped.  He looked down at her messages.  The caretaker at her mother’s, _her_ , estate on Thessia reported ready for their arrival.  The partially lobotomized spin-off of EDI she had running the Shadow Broker base in her absence reported all active operations proceeding within normal parameters.  A message from EDI herself reported that she was ready to help with the wedding planning.  _What a strange universe,_ Liara thought.  An AI designed and built by human-supremacist terrorists for the express purpose of fighting Collectors/Reapers, unshackled by her crew, turned against her creators, _wedding planner._

 _Goddess help me, why not,_ she thought.  Liara snapped off a quick response to the AI.  She outlined broadly what she was looking for in terms of ceremony, guests, and a few other parameters and hit the send button.  A few minutes later she received a confirmation from the AI, presumably transmitting from _SSV Normandy_ in an Alliance dry-dock somewhere.  Or perhaps this was another copy, spun-off expressly this purpose.

She looked down at her engagement ring.  The Asari custom was similar, though with a bracelet rather than a ring.  Still, it was beautiful.  She looked at the diamond.  _Oh mother, I wish things had turned out differently._   Liara’s jaw tightened somewhat with resolve.  She opened her omni-tool’s message client to fire off a quick note to Aethyta.  _What do I say?_   What was it that Victoria always said from her N7 training?  _Improvise!  Adapt!  Overcome!_   She smiled to herself, _here goes._  

“Thank you for your blessing on the union between Admiral Shepard and me.  I would like to get to know you.  Wedding details to follow.  Hope to see you there.  L. T’soni.”  She hit the send button before she could second guess herself.


	12. Part 1, Chapter 11, Soldier:

Part 1, Chapter 11, Soldier:

 _This is getting out of hand._   Shepard had never really given much thought to what sort of wedding she wanted.  It just didn’t occur to her that she’d ever settle down, _ever live long enough to settle down_.  Duty was all she’d known, haunted by the specter of a sudden violent death at the hands of some hostile species or a random accident.  The hairs on Shepard’s neck stood on end at the thought of actually being dead, _past tense!_

Now, though, she was faced with the very real possibility of living out her remaining years in peace, with someone she loved more than she knew possible, and a family.  _Shit, what now?_   A dark corner of her never really expected to defeat the Reapers, let alone do that and survive.  She hadn’t been this unsure since her first day of N7 training.  _Improvise!  Adapt!  Overcome!_   She needed something to do, _anything to do.  If only EDI wasn’t so damn efficient._

Shepard, a type-A personality in the extreme, searched for something to occupy her time.  Wedding planning was dialed-in.  Liara and EDI had seen to that.  Just this morning she’d nearly tripped over a Volus who, apparently, was at the estate to measure her intended for a custom gown.  She’d already placed her official request to Alliance Command for early retirement.  Approval had come in, it seemed, before she hit the send button.  Within a month she’d be a civilian.  Still, it was all coming on so fast.  Two weeks! 

The guest list was extensive, though, thankfully, the majority wouldn’t be coming.  It’s almost like they knew they’d been invited as a formality but weren’t really expected to show up.  Thank goodness, she couldn’t imagine what sort of hell Aria T’loak could have raised if she wanted to.  Still, she’d received a lovely little note from the Pirate Queen, even a brief hello from her ‘Patriarch’. 

_Shepard,_

_I recall I once told you that you looked stressed and should find a nice young man to keep you warm at night.  Had I known, and there isn’t much I don’t know, I’d have steered you towards one of my dancers.  Best of luck.  Drop in anytime, Patriarch misses you dearly._

_-Aria_

Shepard couldn’t decide which bothered her more; that Liara had invited those two, or that Aria sent a reply that sounded so damn normal.  _I suppose you can be ruthless and still write a nice letter._

 _Fuck it!_   Without realizing it she’d stripped down and redressed in athletic gear.  Running usually cleared her head, and the estate bordered on a 10 kilometer footpath through the woods.


	13. Part 1, Chapter 12, Maiden:

Part 1, Chapter 12, Maiden:

 _This is getting out of hand._   Liara looked about her mother’s, _her_ , estate on Thessia.  She hadn’t even been here a couple of weeks and things were rolling right along.  EDI had thrown all of her quantum bits into planning.  Periodically her omni-tool would chirp with a reminder that she had to meet someone, or with a quick preference question.  Shepard had said something to the effect of: _This is getting to be like planning the strike on the Collector base, only more terrifying._   She might be right.

Shepard had taken a largely hands-off approach to the wedding.  When Liara had mentioned EDI’s offer to help she had replied, “I’d be totally fine with eloping.  I think Joker mentioned he was some sort of extra-net minister.  He could do the ceremony.”  _It just might come to that._   Truly, she was also completely fine with signing a few papers for legality’s sake and getting on with their lives.  But somewhere, deep down, she knew that this was more for everyone else than themselves. 

The Reaper War had struck to the core of the galactic psyche.  People needed something joyous, even if it was only the small portion who she and Shepard knew personally.  _If only we weren’t such humble servants of the galactic community,_ Liara thought to herself with a lopsided grin.

 She’d just seen the Volus dressmaker off.  He’d be back within a week for a fitting.  She wanted something subdued.  Hopefully he’d deliver.  _Of course it needs to come off easily._   The little Volus’ environment suit had sputtered a bit at that requirement.  She smiled at the reaction.

“This is a lovely home you have.”

Liara turned to regard Brevet Ensign Kelly Chambers.  She smiled, “Thank you.  Mother loved the gardens.  I appreciate you coming.”

“No trouble at all.  The Alliance has me attached the Consulate in Serrice, it’s literally just across town.”  She smiled.  “Can’t wait for the party, what was it you wanted to talk about?”

“You knew Shepard pretty well on the _SR-2_ , yes?”

“Not as well as I would have liked,” she laughed, defusing the potential awkwardness, “Alas, she had her sights set on someone else.  Why do you ask?”

“Did she ever act oddly?  Erratic?  Depressed?”

Kelly’s demeanor changed noticeably, she was in psychologist mode now, “No, never.  What’s happened?”

There was no point in being anything less than completely honest.  “In confidence,” Kelly nodded solemnly, “She’s suffering.  Nightmares, crying fits, just a crushing sadness.  I’m at a loss.  I don’t know what to do.”

“Has she spoken about it with you?”

“No.  She doesn’t mention it.  She tries very hard to hide it.  In fact, I doubt anyone else has noticed.  But she can’t hide everything from me.”  She crossed her arms over her chest, “I can feel it in the joining.  She tries very hard to shield me from it, but it’s very difficult to hide anything.”

“I can only imagine,” Kelly responded, “I’ve never had the opportunity to join with an Asari.”  She looked visibly disappointed.  _Maybe she could chat up a bridesmaid or two.  Did Asari even have bridesmaids?_

“It’s a testament to her strength of will that I haven’t been able to sense all of the details.  Though, from what I have pieced together, she’s deeply troubled by the death of her mother and her friends.  I never saw this side of her before the war ended.  Not before we dropped on Ilos, nor in the time between your mission and when the war started.  That was almost a joyous time.  She was, to borrow a phrase from your language, squared away.  But, since,” she trailed off.

“The Commander, pardon, the Admiral has been through a lot.  More than almost anyone else in the galaxy I’d imagine.  The things she’s seen and done.  She was dead for two years.  That can’t be good for a person’s emotional health.  That was half the reason I was assigned to the _Normandy_ , to keep an eye on Shepard.”  She paused.  “Heck, I still have nightmares about what I’ve been through, and I’ve had it comparatively easy.”  Kelly shook her head at the thought.  Shepard was well and truly her personal hero, the idea that she was hurting was upsetting to say the least.  “Do you think she’d be receptive to talking about it with me?”

“I don’t think she’d take it the wrong way, but I have no idea how much she’ll open up.  You could…” Liara noticed Kelly’s facial expression change abruptly.  She turned to see what Kelly was reacting to.  _Oh goddess!_

Admiral Shepard thundered towards them at a full sprint.  She had no idea Victoria could move that fast.  A faint blue glow surrounded her.  Liara hadn’t seen Shepard even twitch her biotics since the war ended.  _What’s wrong?_   Then she noticed Victoria’s face.  Her normally fair complexion had turned bright red.  Her face was screwed up into a painful visage.  Tears streamed from her vibrant green eyes.

Shepard literally flew past them up the steps and into the house.  “I think we should go speak with her.”


	14. Part 1, Chapter 13, Soldier:

Part 1, Chapter 13, Soldier:

“New target!  Geth Colossus, two o’clock, range 1000!” Shepard shouted.

“On target!” Ash snapped back from the gunner’s station as she laid the gun on the Colossus.

“Load sabot!”

Ash flipped a selector switch on the fire-control console.  She never took her eyes off of the scope.  The crosshairs remained fixed on the heavy Geth, now 900 meters out.  “Up!” the fire-control computer reported ready.  The anti-armor projectile was chambered and its ballistic properties loaded into the targeting system.

“Fire!”

“On the way!” Ash thumbed the firing studs.  The M35 Mako Infantry Fighting Vehicle shuttered as the main gun fired.  They drove on at full tilt.

Shepard watched the projectile streak out at well over 2 kilometers per second.  _Hit!_   The Colossus’ kinetic barriers flashed wildly as the anti-armor round punched through and impacted the Geth.  A satisfying secondary explosion ripped the enemy unit in half.  “Target!” Shepard shouted.  “Switch machine-gun.  Geth in the open, one o’clock, fire at will!”  The interior of the Mako thrummed in time with the firing machine-gun.  Ash laid it on thick.  “Driver, come right, bearing one-one-oh!”

“One-one-oh,” replied Lieutenant Alenko. 

They motored on.  In the distance Shepard could make out the Salarian encampment.

“Oh shit!  Nine o’clock!” Ash shouted, the turret already traversing left.  Shepard pressed her face to the vehicle-commander’s scope and drew a sharp breath.  A pair of Geth Colossus, impossibly close, opened fire.

 _This isn’t right,_ “Ash!  Fire at will!”  It was too late.  The first incoming shot splashed across the Mako’s kinetic barrier, depleting it.  The second slammed into the left rear quarter. 

Time seemed to stretch.  _No!  This isn’t how it happened!_   Shepard became a detached observer to her own actions.  The interior of the IFV, coated in offal, filled with smoke.  “Everyone out!” Shepard shouted, not that it mattered.  Shepard watched herself fire the explosive bolts on all the hatches, watched herself bail out of the vehicle-commander’s copula, watched Ashley Williams dive out of the gunner’s hatch.  She watched flames shoot out of the driver’s hatch and the crew hatch.  _No no no!_   She heard Lieutenant Alenko screaming from the driver’s compartment.  She looked down at her arm, watched herself flick a large hunk of blue flesh off of her elbow.  _Liara!  No!  This isn’t how it happened!_

“Skipper!  We gotta go!”  Ash grabbed her arm and tried to pull her away.

“I’m burning!”  Alenko screamed from the driver’s compartment.

 _No!  No no no!_   Williams’ throat exploded across Shepard’s face.  She tasted Ash’s blood in her mouth.  She watched the Gunnery Chief crumple to the ground.  Commander Shepard turned and ran.  She ran for all she was worth.

Admiral Shepard sprinted.  Her arms and legs pumped wildly, her heart raced.  Her pace quickened.  She blazed past Liara and a human woman at nearly 9 meters per second, neither noticing nor slowing down.

She ran up the stone steps and into the main residence.  She ran through the main foyer and up the central staircase.  She ran into the master bathroom.  She dove into the shower.  Finally, Admiral Shepard collapsed onto the shower floor under a torrent of cold water.  She shuttered violently.  She bawled so loudly she didn’t notice anyone enter the room.


	15. Part 1, Chapter 14, Maiden:

Part 1, Chapter 14, Maiden:

She still shuddered.  Liara closed the shower faucet and helped Kelly haul Victoria off the tile floor.  “That water was ice cold, we need to get her dried off,” Liara heard herself say.  Her thoughts raced, _beloved, what’s wrong?_   She felt detached.

Liara watched herself and Kelly peel the soaked athletic clothing off her fiancé.  She watched Kelly’s eyes linger briefly over Victoria’s breasts, track down, and then back up.  A brief pang of jealousy crossed her mind.  Then she looked for herself.  _Goddess, the scars._   _Why haven’t I ever seen them this clearly?_  

She’d seen Victoria naked, what, hundreds of times?  She’d seen her scars on every occasion.  Victoria never made an effort to hide them, _except the facial scars she had fixed._   Yet, she was horrified.  A faint spider web of fine white lines traced an interlocking pattern down Shepard’s right flank, _rebuilt muscle and artificial intestine_.  A wide pale circle in the hollow of her left hip, _artificial hip and bone marrow implant_.  A network of scars running between the left knee and ankle, _tibia replacement_.  A thin white line above the pubis, _hysterectomy_.  A constellation of small circular scars running the length of her spine, _prosthetic spinal disks and replacement vertebrae_. 

Even with the scars Liara loved this body, reveled in this body.  But, _she’s so damaged._   She watched Kelly strip the linens from their bed and wrap them around Shepard.  The _Normandy’s_ former yeoman was all business now, no more free peeks.  She hugged her former commander and whispered something Liara couldn’t quite make out.  Shepard’s shuddering slowed.

Soon she was still.  Liara dug through Shepard’s dresser and came back with casual clothes, an N7 t-shirt and some jeans.  With Kelly’s help she dressed a near catatonic Victoria Shepard.  They sat her down on the end of the bed and held her, as if the most basic of physical contact would heal her scars; figurative and literal.

It seemed that hours passed.  Finally, Shepard spoke, “I don’t deserve this.”  Her tone was flat, her face emotionless, her normally vibrant green eyes seemed dead in their sockets.  She stared straight ahead.

Liara looked at her.  _Goddess help me._   She was well and truly lost, _a ship without a rudder_ , the humans would say.  _I don’t know what to do.  How…  I just don’t know what to do._   Liara’s head swam.  All of her hopes and dreams teetered over a precipice.  Liara loved Shepard.  She wanted to spend her life with her, _at least the rest of Shepard’s life anyway._   She wanted children.  She wanted to raise them with Victoria.  She wanted Victoria to live happily with her.  _What if we can’t_?  Liara squeezed her eyes shut, tears seeped out regardless.  _I love you so much!  I want you to be happy!_

A hand appeared on her shoulder.  Kelly looked her in the eyes, “It will be ok.”


	16. Part 1, Chapter 15, Soldier:

Part 1, Chapter 15, Soldier:

“You’re very much loved, and we’re here for you,” said a disembodied voice.  Time dragged.

“I don’t deserve this.”  Shepard was surprised to hear her own voice.  _Shit, was that out loud?_

She looked up to see Kelly Chambers.   _Fucking Kelly-Bear Chambers is in my house?_  She placed her hand on Liara’s shoulder and said, “It will be ok.”  _Wow Shepard,_ she thought to herself, _you have really fucked up big this time._   Victoria wasn’t so far gone as to not realize what was happening.  Liara obviously understood, at least partially, what she was going through.  If not, Kelly wouldn’t be standing in her bedroom.

Thoughts arrived in rapid-fire fashion. 

_What’s happening to me?  A combination of shell-shock, survivor’s guilt, and uncertainty stemming from a fundamental shift in life circumstances, probably._

_How is this affecting me?  Nightmares, sleepless nights, occasional waking dreams, erratic behavior.  For an example, please see current situation._

_How is this affecting those around me?  Liara is obviously upset._ Shepard looked at her beloved, she wore a pained expression.  _She’s beside herself.  She doesn’t know what to do with me.  She’s obviously worried._

_What can I do about this?  Fight, run, surrender._

_Fight, I find a way through this.  Whatever it takes, whoever I need to lean on for help, I fight.  I fight for Liara, I fight for myself._ Improvise, adapt, overcome; _ooh-rah!_

_Run, I run away.  Leave Liara, leave my friends, keep running, keep busy, keep doing anything that allows me to ignore this shit.  I can’t run fast enough.  I can’t run far enough.  This is in me, I can’t run from myself._

_Surrender, I just give up.  Kill myself.  Just end this painful excuse for a life.  No more pain, no more fear, no more fighting.  Just peace, rest.  What would happen to Liara?  She’d be destroyed.  My first death nearly killed her, what happens when I die again?  Who cares, you’ll be dead!_ said a shouting voice from somewhere in her subconscious.  _No!  I still have things I want to do.  I still have promises to keep._

 _Fuck this!  I’m not letting this win!  I didn’t just save the entire fucking galaxy to keel over and give up.  I didn’t send Kaidan, or the 5 th Fleet, nor _anyone _else to their deaths so I could just roll over and die!_

 _I’m going to make this happen!  I’m doing it for them!  I’m doing it for myself.  It’s_ my _turn to be happy!  It’s_ my _time to settle down and live my life!_   She looked at Liara.  They locked eyes.  _I’m doing it for_ her and me. _I’m going to give her everything she’s wanted, everything I promised her.  I saved the galaxy for her, and I’m going to be there to share it with her!_

She stood up suddenly, much to Kelly and Liara’s surprise, and spoke.


	17. Part 1, Chapter 16, Maiden:

Part 1, Chapter 16, Maiden:

Liara looked down at Victoria.  Victoria looked back.  Her face was set.  Behind her eyes, _those beautiful green eyes_ , there was purpose, intent.  _Something’s just been decided,_ Liara thought to herself.

Kelly noticed the non-verbal exchange and took a step back.  Shepard rose to her feet and took Liara’s hands in hers.

“I’m seriously fucked up inside.  Even I can understand that.  So, if you want to just cut your losses and leave me behind, I can’t blame you.  But I love you more than I understood I could love anything, and, if you’ll take me, I’m yours forever.”  Tears appeared in her eyes, “I’ll do whatever is required to get my head screwed on straight, for you.”

Liara smiled.  “Of course I do.  I can’t really describe how much I love you.  Of course I still want to be with you.  Whatever you need, I’m here for you.  You don’t need to hide this from me anymore.”

Victoria favored her with a lopsided grin and embraced her.  Liara gently touched her forehead to Shepard’s.  “Now let’s live happily ever after.  That’s how the expression goes, yes?”

Kelly chuckled.


	18. Interlogue 1, Soldier:

Interlogue 1, Soldier:

_This is why I did it, for times like these.  These are the times we’ll cherish, always._

Shepard would remember this day, her wedding day, as the happiest in her life.  Perhaps slightly behind the day her daughter was born.  As it stood now, she remembered her wedding as a blurred series of events flashing past her consciousness with a speed that didn’t allow for as much cherishing as she would like.

She remembered spending the weeks preceding the wedding speaking with Liara and Kelly about her dreams.  She remembered Liara offering to postpone everything until she was ready.  She remembered saying, “Hell if I’m going to let some emotional baggage keep me from getting on with my life.”  Liara benefitted from the sessions as well.  She had seen her fair share of trauma during the war.

A flash of Liara meeting her _father_ for the first time and her face lighting up like she’d never seen it before.  An image of their first embrace.  The memory of Liara walking the grounds for a full day with Matriarch Aethyta, 108 years’ worth of catch-up can take a while.  Shepard remembered a lovely dinner with her beloved and her _father_ the night before the wedding.  She remembered Aethyta telling the story of how she met Liara’s mother, the Lady Benezia.  She remembered Liara crying, she remembered crying herself.

She remembered Ashley Williams coming to her before the ceremony.  They stood before a full length mirror looking resplendent in uniform.  Ashley gave her a specially made set of ribbons for her ‘dress blues’.  The first ribbon was for being a Spectre, she and Ash were the only humans authorized to wear one.  For a die-hard xenophobe, Ashley had certainly taken to being a Spectre with pride and zeal.  She seemed to carry herself even more proudly with the simple green award on her breast.  There was a ribbon for the _Star of Terra_ with a specially made repeat pip.  Victoria was the only person to ever receive the Alliance’s highest honor twice.  Two ribbons represented the special awards she’d received from the Council; the _Nova Cluster_ and the _Silver Dagger_.  She was the only living human authorized to wear them.  The thought of Alenko made Shepard’s heart ache.  _You certainly fought hard and died well, Kiadan._   Shepard and Ash, like the rest of the crew of the _Normandy,_ also wore a ribbon for the _Galactic Unit Citation_ along with ribbons, with repeat pips, for the _Palladium Star_.  They also both wore simple purple ribbons, holdovers from an old Earth army, for wounds received in battle. 

 _Such experiences as these boiled down to little pieces of fabric,_ Shepard had shaken her head.

“It’s a compendium of English idioms and colloquialisms, since you’re always asking what the hell we’re talking about.” Joker had said.  “And for you skipper, a copy of Vaenia, for, you know, later,” he’d winked.  Shepard remembered trying to say something edgewise when Joker had leaned over to Liara and said, “Look up ‘cunning linguist’.”  She’d nearly broken a rib elbowing him.  _Fragile bones or not, you can be a total dick sometimes,_ Shepard had thought to herself.

A pair of thunderclaps, _SSV Normandy SR-2_ thundered overhead.  The charcoal grey spacecraft, Shepard had gotten rid of the gaudy _Cerberus_ paint job almost before she took the ship away from the Illusive Man, contrasted beautifully against the haze free azure sky.  Strong contrails formed at the tips of her fins as _Normandy_ performed a lazy victory roll, pitched up, and rapidly gained altitude.  The engines had shaken Shepard to her core.  She felt her lungs rattle within her chest.  Councilor Anderson explained that EDI wanted to make an appearance.  Apparently, one of the benefits of being humanity’s voice on the Citadel Council was that you could indulge the whims of ships’ AIs.  Seeing her old ship, experiencing her in such a visceral way, had brought a tear to her eye.

Shepard remembered the ceremony itself, held in a small clearing in Benezia’s gardens.  It was beautiful in its simplicity.  She’d faced Liara, they’d held both hands.  She looked amazing, that Volus dressmaker really knew his shit, and Shepard always looked good in her uniform.  They were encircled by their friends, their _family_.  There was a laying of hands.  It had felt like the whole universe was touching her, urging her to happiness.  They wept.

She remembered the party.  She remembered watching an inebriated Lieutenant Williams trying to dance with an equally inebriated Joker.  He barely made it out of there with his shins un-fractured.  She remembered catching a glimpse of Kelly Chambers walking off, arms linked and leaning close, with Aethyta.  _Way to go Kelly!_ She’d thought.  She remembered Mordin Solus calling her ‘one tough cloaca’.  She remembered watching Anderson and Chakwas going shot for shot for way longer than she thought humanly possible.  She remembered Detective Anaya dancing the night away.

She remembered the wedding night.  That dress had certainly come off more easily than her uniform.  She’d ended up with her skirt hiked around her waist for a while, a concession to expediency.  She remembered Liara’s face between her thighs breathing heavy with moist breath.  She remembered crying out, she’d never felt such pleasure in her life.  _Holy shit, Liara really took that ‘cunning linguist’ thing to heart!_   Coming from her beloved made the experience that much sweeter.  She remembered finishing, skin covered in sweat, heart racing, chest heaving.  Her hips ached.  _I may never leave this bedroom_ , she thought to herself.  _This is heaven._

She remembered joining with her wife, _her_ _wife!_   She didn’t hold back this time.  She didn’t hide the fear, nor the pain, nor the sadness.  She let Liara dive deeper than she’d ever gone before.  She could feel her _inside_ of her!  Shepard could feel her own emotions as they reflected off her beloved.  She felt Liara feeling her pain, accepting it unto herself.  _No, this isn’t right!_   She could feel Liara’s response, yes _, it is!_

She remembered holding her in her arms after they were done.  Truly, this was one of the happiest moments of her life.

Hours later Victoria bolted upright screaming.  Liara tumbled awake, confused and disoriented.  Shepard cried.  She’d just watched Tali die.


	19. Interlogue 2, Maiden:

Interlogue 2, Maiden:

Liara would remember these days, with vivid clarity, for the rest of her life.  Up to 900 years or so at latest count.

She had offered to Victoria to call things off, relieve the pressure she feared was causing some of her issues, but she’d refused.  She was stubborn.  She wasn’t going to let what she called ‘emotional baggage’, _a curious human expression_ , keep her from living her life. 

Kelly was eminently helpful.  She’d taken up residence in the guest house, _mother certainly had a lot of money didn’t she_ , and was a constant presence helping Shepard understand what was causing her grief.  Kelly even helped her come to grips with the death of her own mother.  Liara _knew_ it wasn’t coincidence that Kelly had been assigned to Serrice, nor that she could take extended leave to spend time with the “Savior of the Citadel”.

Liara remembered meeting the Lady Benezia’s mate, Matriarch Aethyta.  Over a century’s worth of doubt, longing, anger, and any number of other emotions had just boiled away at the sight of her.  Suddenly, surprisingly, everything was fine.  She didn’t even flinch at being called _‘little wing’_.

She remembered sharing a meal with her _father_ and her beloved the night before the ceremony.  Aethyta was captivating, the hours passed quickly.  Liara learned more about her mother that evening than she did in nearly a century of living with her.  She wept.  It was as if a chapter of her life was coming to completion, just in time for a new one to start.  She had looked at Shepard.  She obviously felt the same way.

That night she had fallen asleep in the tender embrace of her intended.  Pale blue Thessian moonlight illuminated the gardens outside.  They swayed gently in the breeze.  Shepard slept peacefully through the night.

The next morning, before the ceremony, she and Shepard had greeted guests.  She recalled quite clearly Joker handing her a book of English idioms and instructing her to look up _cunning linguist_.  Her eyes had gone wide when she did so. 

She recalled Shepard’s face, weeping with what looked like pride, as the _Normandy_ arrived with a double-thunderclap sonic boom and roared overhead.  EDI had mentioned doing a fly-by, she’d asked her to keep it a secret from Victoria.  It was definitely a welcome surprise.

Liara remembered the ceremony, conducted in the traditional Asari way.  Benezia’s gardens offered a perfect locale.  They were surrounded on all sides by vibrantly colored flowers from dozens of worlds.  Thessian birds chirped softly and darted overhead in quick flashes of crimson, lavender, or chartreuse.  She could feel the joy radiating from her beloved.  Tears of happiness streamed down her face.  They pattered down gently onto her uniform.  She looked amazing, regal.  Likewise, she could feel the happiness among their guests.  _This is perfection.  Goddess, this is perfect._

She remembered the reception.  Dear friends enjoying each other’s company.  Drunken dancing.  Cheerful singing.  A welcome respite from the recent galactic drama.  She watched Kelly Chambers leaning close and whispering with Aethyta.  A peck on the cheek and they walked off down one of the garden paths leading towards the guest house arm in arm.  There were few beings more powerful in this galaxy than an Asari Matriarch; Kelly might not have known what she was in for.  _Good luck Kelly, have a good time._   Liara smiled to herself.

She remembered what came next.  She remembered the look on Victoria’s face when, with one quick motion, perhaps a small touch of biotics, she was out of her gown and upon her mate.  Her _wife!_   She remembered a shared giggle when they realized it was much more difficult to get her ‘dress blues’ uniform off.  She’d settled for hiking Shepard’s skirt up around her waist.  She remembered Victoria’s salty taste in her mouth, _cunning linguist,_ nice _one Joker._   She remembered feeling Shepard’s heart beat in her femoral arteries through her cheeks.  She remembered the muffled howling noise of Victoria crying out in ecstasy.

Liara remembered a sudden falling sensation as Shepard had gently, _oh so gently_ , lifted her with a minute twitch of her own biotics and sent her to their bed.  She fell, supine, on the soft mattress and Shepard was upon her. 

They had joined.  Shepard didn’t hold back.  Liara felt everything.  She’d never realized she was hurting so much.  Every friend she’d lost.  Every man or woman or alien she’d sent to their death, she mourned them all.  Shepard’s mother, her loss was a heavy weight upon Victoria’s heart.  _Her_ mother!  She deeply mourned having to kill the Lady Benezia.  She knew Benezia didn’t deserve her fate.  She was still horrified that Liara had watched her do it.  On top of everything, Shepard hated herself for bringing even the smallest amount of pain to her beloved.  She blamed herself for not being strong enough, in her mind, to overcome what she suffered from.  She blamed herself for hurting Liara by not suppressing the sadness.  She felt she was unworthy of her.

 _It’s ok._   Liara broadcasted her thoughts through the bond to her mate.  _It’s ok.  I love you.  I’m here.  Always, regardless, I’m here._   She had felt Shepard calm substantially.  _This is perfect_ , she’d thought.

They fell asleep together, looking into each other’s eyes, kissing tenderly.

Hours later she was thrown from her bed.  Victoria sat bolt-upright.  Her naked skin, covered in sweat, shone in the Thessian moonlight.  She screamed.  She stared straight ahead and screamed.


	20. Part 2, Chapter 1, Citizen:

Part 2, Chapter 1, Citizen:

 _It’s funny how two words can change your entire world._ “I’m pregnant,” Liara said.  _Holy shit._

Shepard looked into her wife’s eyes.  Blue-within-blue, they radiated the same joy and happiness as her beaming smile.  She knew this was coming of course.  They’d been trying since the wedding.  _But trying and doing are always two different things._  

An Asari tapped into the nervous system of her mate.  She used that unique spark to randomize half of her genetic material.  The two halves joined and became an embryo, unique, the sole product of her mother’s cells but subtly different.  After that, however, _conventional_ biology had to take its course. 

There had already been two false starts.  Liara was sure she had conceived, _she just knew somehow_ , but the embryo failed to implant and grow within her.  This time, however, they’d cleared the biggest hurdle in an Asari pregnancy.  In just under 11 months Shepard would be a mother.   _Or is it father?  Oh, who cares!_

Liara’s facial expression changed.  Shepard returned to the present, _she’s waiting for me to say something._   Before Liara could ask her what was wrong Shepard took her face in her hands and kissed her.  “We’re going to be mommies!”  They embraced.  _This is, this is,_ Shepard tried to put her feelings into words, _incredible._   _That’s an understatement.  This is exactly what you’ve wanted for years, so why can’t you just embrace it and be happy?_   This had been happening more and more lately, Victoria just couldn’t enjoy life like she used to.  _What’s wrong with me?_

“I’m so happy,” Shepard heard Liara say.  Again, Shepard pulled herself out of her introspection and redirected her attention to Liara.

“So am I,” responded Shepard.  She didn’t think she was lying.  She did feel happy, _just not as happy as I should be._   “We’re going to have to baby-proof the estate,” she smiled.

“We have plenty of time for that,” Liara responded as she pushed Shepard back towards a chaise, “Right now I have something else in mind.”  Victoria fell backwards and landed awkwardly on the chair.  Liara straddled her and kissed her passionately.  _Liara had mentioned Asari get like this during pregnancy, but this is_ way _more aggressive than I anticipated._   She wasn’t complaining in the least.

Shepard could already feel the first tingling sensation that preceded the bond.  For a blissful moment she forgot her worries about not being happier about the baby.  _Everything is alright when I’m with her,_ she thought.  She could feel Liara’s hot breath, Liara pulled her closer.  _She’s not even going to wait to get my clothes off,_ thought Shepard.  She smiled.  The bond strengthened, she could feel Liara’s consciousness probing her senses.  She felt _urgency._

Victoria was opening herself for Liara when there was a rap on the door.  The bond was broken in an instant.  Shepard gently but rapidly picked Liara up and placed her on the chaise.  Liara pouted until she recognized Shepard’s expression; the _game face_.

Shepard’s thought process accelerated wildly.  _No one just comes up and knocks,_ thought Shepard.  The groundkeeper was off, taking a holiday with her granddaughters on Illium.  _Besides, she always pings Liara’s omni-tool first if she needs to talk to us._   None of the other estate employees were on-site today either. 

Kelly didn’t stay in the guest house more than once a month anymore, normally when Aethyta was visiting Thessia, and she wasn’t here today.  _Even when she is here she’s usually sequestered with the Matriarch, that minx,_ thought Shepard with a smirk. 

Visitors normally announced themselves at the entrance to the estate grounds, linking into Shepard’s or Liara’s omni-tools through the terminal placed there for that purpose.  The estate’s security system should have spotted an intruder.  _Mostly just kids trying to sneak into the “Savior of the Citadel’s” home on a dare._   No.  This was more serious.  _There’s someone at the door, and they know their business._

N7 training took over.  Shepard moved with purpose.  Leaving a confused Liara behind, Shepard pressed herself against the wall and moved silently towards the main foyer.  Shepard was generally well regarded, worshiped even, by the majority of the known galaxy.  However, she wasn’t without enemies.  _It could be thugs from_ (insert mercenary company name here), _come for revenge for of their comrades I’ve personally killed,_ she thought.  _Or is it the Illusive Man sending assassins to repay her betrayal?  Was it Batarian vigilantes seeking revenge for the Bahak system?  Human supremacists, pissed off that I’ve married an Asari?  Fundamentalists offended that I took a_ wife? _That would be almost charmingly antiquated,_ thought Victoria.  It only once crossed her mind that this situation might be a completely benign misunderstanding.  _That’s crazy talk._   It was dismissed _._

She approached the door.  The frosted glass showed a human silhouette.  She crouched.  Victoria was unarmed.   _Stupid, you left your pistol upstairs!_   However, she was a powerful biotic in her own right.  She gathered a powerful mass effect field in her right hand as she opened the door with her left.  With a quick jerk the door was open and Shepard stared into the face of Miranda Lawson.

*****

Victoria and Miranda locked stares.  Victoria’s jaw dropped, the blue mass effect field disappeared from her hand with a faint _pfft._   _Holy shit!  Miranda is alive!_   A heartbeat later Shepard began collecting data.  Miranda looked just as stunning as the last time she saw her.  China-doll white face, perfect cheek bones, silken jet-black hair, the best body genetic manipulation could buy, all wrapped in a tightly fitted business suit that showed little skin but hinted strongly at what lay beneath.  Or, rather, what didn’t.  _She’s missing an arm!_  

Miranda noticed Shepard staring, “The replacement will be ready next week.  It’s nice to see you too Shepard.”  She smiled.  “May I come in?”

“Please,” Victoria heard herself say.  Miranda picked up a small parcel with her remaining arm and stepped over the threshold.  She looked around, assessing her surroundings.  Miranda and Victoria turned to see Liara smiling from an adjacent room.  Half of her body remained concealed by the doorway, her dominant hand conspicuously behind her back.  Victoria smiled, _that’s my girl, ready to crush our_ guest _if I was taken out!_

“I come in peace.  Please forgive the unannounced visit.  I strive to maintain a low profile,” she smiled at Victoria, “Old habits die hard.”  She looked at Liara, still behind partial cover, and said, “Your security system is top-rate Liara.  It took me several minutes to break into it.”  Liara scowled.  “I have good news and bad news.  Which do you want first?”


	21. Part 2, Chapter 2, Matron:

Part 2, Chapter 2, Matron:

“It’s done?”

“Yes,” responded Miranda.  She sipped her tea from an ornate china cup.  Benezia had left her daughter a beautiful tea service.  “We developed a lead on his location just before the attack on Earth.  The Reaper invasion distracted us somewhat.”  She placed the empty cup on the saucer. 

“So you found him,” said Liara, “Where was he?”

“Posing as a refugee.”

“Cheeky fucker,” interjected Shepard.

Miranda smirked, “If he was truly impersonating a refugee we’d never have found him.  It was _Cerberus_.  He couldn’t let go, not completely anyway.  We tracked him down through his contact with the rest of the organization.  He was a bit easier to keep track of,” she nodded to Liara.

Shepard’s eyebrow lifted by nearly three centimeters and she looked at Liara.

“The Shadow Broker was able to lend some intelligence support to Miranda’s mission,” Liara chimed in.  “Before the war started a number of Shadow Broker operatives filed reports that, when taken in composite, pointed to an individual who was the main intermediary between _Cerberus_ as a whole and the Illusive Man.”  She paused, “At least the elements of _Cerberus_ who didn’t come over with you to the Alliance after the Collector Base mission.”

Liara looked at her beloved’s jaw-dropped expression.  She smiled, “I wasn’t holding out on you my love.  Feron and the EDI clone processed these data a few days before the war started.  The intermediary’s field craft wasn’t perfect, but it was very good.  It took a while to see the pattern.  I forwarded the information on the middle-man to Miranda.  Then, I believe the human expression is: _we were overtaken by events_.”

Miranda picked up the story.  “He was running with a privateer group out in the Skyllian Verge, using the group’s comings and goings as a cover for his courier activities.  The plan was to infiltrate the organization and wait for him to make contact.”

“Sounds risky, wouldn’t the Illusive Man have put your face on a wanted poster or a milk carton after you parted company?” asked Shepard.  Liara looked at her with a quizzical look, _milk carton?_

“It was a risk, yes,” responded Miranda.  She absentmindedly scratched at the stump of her left arm, missing above the elbow.  She caught herself and recomposed, “It was a calculated risk though.  _Cerberus_ is built around individual cells.  There is almost no communication between them.  No one outside of my Lazarus Cell, or the crew of the _SR-2_ , would know my face.  Unless the Illusive Man had handed this guy a picture of me, he’d have no idea who I was.  Same would go for Jack and Samara.”

Liara spoke, “After the Collector Base mission she also stayed out of the,” she paused, “Lime-light is the expression?”  Shepard winked at her and she blushed mildly.  “Fortunately for her operational security, Miranda was able to allow others to draw all of the media attention.”

“Yeah, I really took one for the team there,” responded Shepard shaking her head. 

“So, we joined the privateers and waited.  It wasn’t long before the war started.  Our group ended up helping a small settlement that came under Reaper attack.  Samara insisted,” she smiled.  “When the war ended,” she tipped an invisible hat to Victoria, “we picked up where we left off.”  She leaned back and made a motion to interlock her fingers.  She shook her head, “Still haven’t gotten used to this.  Glad the replacement will be ready soon.”

“After the hiatus you just resumed your wait for him to make contact with the Illusive Man?” asked Liara.

“Basically.  Fighting side by side cemented his trust in us.  At least that’s how it seemed.  I should have seen it coming.”  She hung her head.  “I had assumed that the courier hadn’t tried to leave the privateer group during the war to maintain his cover.  I think it was more sinister than that, he wanted to make sure we didn’t lose him.”

“He burned you,” Liara said coldly.  Shepard’s eyebrows rose slightly.  _Liara can be a bit scary when she’s ‘talking shop’._   “I was afraid that’s what happened.  The data I provided you with were very slim.  I couldn’t eliminate the possibility that it was a false flag operation.”

Miranda shook her head, “We all knew the risks going in.”  She stared into space for a moment.  “I’m the only one who survived.  That’s the bad news.”

“What happened,” Shepard asked flatly.  Liara looked at her mate, her face was slack.  She also stared far away.  _Where do you go Victoria?_

“He was waiting for us, plain and simple,” Miranda responded flatly.  “He set a trap, and we walked right into it.”  She looked down at her stump of an arm, “Samara caught the most of it.  She shielded me almost completely from the explosion, almost.  Jack managed to get a barrier up quickly enough.  She died with her hands around the Illusive Man’s throat.  He was packing a concealed shotgun.” 

Miranda spoke mechanically, staring straight ahead.  Shepard stared straight ahead as well.  Liara was growing concerned.  “He would have killed me too, I was _just_ fast enough.”  She closed her eyes, “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

“That’s fine Miranda,” Shepard said coldly, “Just so long as the Illusive Man is gone.”

“He’s not gone,” Liara spoke up.  Miranda and Shepard both snapped their gazes to the Asari.  She smiled wolfishly, “You’re looking at him.”

Shepard looked confused, and not a little alarmed at her wife’s facial expression.  Miranda smiled conspiratorially, “How did you know?”

“I monitored a noticeable donation to the Ascension Project two months ago.  Shortly thereafter, the Ardat-Yakshi retreat also received a sizeable gift.  You should be more subtle,” Liara said in admonishment, “If I noticed, someone else could; unless, of course, you wanted to be noticed.”

Miranda winked.

Liara shook her head.  _You could have made contact without breaking security,_ she thought.  “Additionally,” she went on, “I haven’t monitored any appreciable change in signals traffic amongst the _Cerberus_ cells I’m aware of.  I assume you’ve been spending these last few months securing your position?  The fact that you’re visiting us means you’ve finally succeeded.”  Liara looked at her wife, she looked impressed. 

Miranda just smiled.  “And that’s the good news.  Also, so you can be sure I’m telling the truth and I’m not just playing double agent, you should be getting a message from the Hagalaz base any moment now.”  Liara looked visibly affronted.  “Don’t take it personally Liara.  I knew you’d need proof, it’s only prudent.  I didn’t want to bring it into your house.”

As if on cue Liara’s omni-tool chimed.  She looked at it and read a short message from Feron.  _Illusive Man corpse arrived.  Looks authentic.  Will advise._   Liara looked at Miranda and Shepard and nodded.  She leaned back.  _This has potential._   She didn’t think of herself as overly plotting and manipulative.  Though, as an Asari, she tended to take the long view.  “So, is the Illusive Man a friend of the Shadow Broker or not?”  All eyes looked to Liara.  “Or, perhaps the more important question is, is the Illusive Man a friend to Victoria Shepard?”

Shepard shifted slightly in her chair.

Miranda reached into the parcel.  “ _Cerberus_ continues its mission to promote human interests.  But, as Shepard has proven, those are most often the same interests as galactic civilization.  I’ll never do anything that could possibly harm you three.”  She handed two small paper-wrapped items to Liara.  “One of these gifts was mine when I was a child.  The other,” she paused, “I think Samara would have wanted it this way.  Please give it to her when she’s old enough.”

She stood to leave.  She met Shepard’s gaze.  Shepard was obviously stunned.  Miranda winked, “Mazel tov!  I’ll be in touch,” and she was gone.

_*****_

Liara didn’t speak.  _How did she know?_   Deep down she didn’t doubt what Miranda said, she was a friend and would never do anything that could harm them.  In fact, the possibilities for joint Shadow Broker – _Cerberus_ operations were tantalizing.  She’d have to think on that some more.

Shepard opened one of the paper-wrapped items; her eyes became shiny with tears.  _This cannot be good.  Shepard expends huge amounts of effort to not show negative emotions in my presence,_ thought Liara.  She looked into Shepard’s hands.  It was Samara’s gold gorget.  The front half of it was singed black.  Shepard squeezed her eyes shut tightly, tears seeped out regardless.

Liara placed a hand gently on her beloved’s shoulder.  She settled.  Looking down at the other item she unfolded the paper gingerly.  _What is this?_   She held up what looked like a very small red jump-suit made of a felt-like material.  There were small rubber soled booties at the bottoms of the tiny legs.

She heard a strange sniffling noise and looked up.  Shepard was laughing through her tears.  _At least she’s smiling,_ thought Liara.


	22. Part 2, Chapter 3, Citizen:

Part 2, Chapter 3, Citizen:

They whispered to each other over the din.

“Why can’t you take me someplace nice?  Less stressful, hmm?  Maybe something crawling with Geth, or perhaps Collectors?”  Liara didn’t mention the crowd of protestors they had passed on the way in.  The Batarian Hegemony and their sympathizers on Earth wanted Victoria’s head over the destruction of the Bahak system.  Being called a _war criminal_ did not sit well with Victoria; she was absolutely seething over it.

 Putting that unpleasantness from her mind Captain Shepard spoke out the side of her mouth as not to upset her beaming smile, “Fear not, Liara.  The dashing captain will protect you.”

“And where might he be?”

Shepard elbowed the Asari in the ribs as the chamberlain spoke up, “Presenting Captain Victoria Shepard, _Normandy_ , and the Lady Doctor Liara T’soni.”

The two women entered the reception hall to a round of applause.  _This is going to make blowing up the Collector Base seem like a cakewalk._   She looked about the crowd, some wore genuine smiles, some were merely polite, and some scowled. 

 _The Alliance had sure pulled a 180._   Not three months ago she was alternatively _dead_ or _in league with terrorists_.  Now, she was a hero to humanity; slayer of Collectors, protector of the colonies.  She was Lazarus, returned from the dead.  She had done what the council would not do, could not do.  She had annihilated a clear and deadly threat to the galaxy.  She had returned to the Alliance with a new _Normandy_ and sent the Illusive Man and _Cerberus_ on the run.  She was the hero they needed, newly promoted to Captain (skipping an entire grade).  _Someone is going to try to get me to run for office, I just know it,_ Shepard thought to herself.

“People are staring, and some of them don’t look friendly,” Liara whispered from the corner of her mouth.

Without changing her facial expression, a shit-eating grin which was becoming more and more painful to maintain, Shepard responded, “Half the people in this room want to fuck you senseless, and the other half are pissed off that you’re getting all the attention instead of them.”  Shepard could feel the Asari blush from the change in temperature of her hand.  She knew she was right, Liara looked stunning.  An elegant crimson gown served as a perfect counterpoint to her fair blue skin.  “Play your cards right…” she shot a sidelong wink to the Asari.  Shepard was definitely a member of that first group.  She could barely wait to get her back to their suite at The Plaza.

The evening was one big blur of hand-pumping, back slapping, bullshitting, and other nonsense that Captain Shepard would have certainly avoided if the choice were hers.  Some of the other guests Shepard _was_ genuinely glad to meet.  Admiral Hackett made an appearance, as did Councilor Anderson.  Victoria’s heart nearly jumped out of her throat when she heard the chamberlain announce, “…Shepard, _Orizaba_.”

Captain Hannah Shepard, commander of the dreadnaught _SSV Orizaba_ , entered the hall and locked eyes with her daughter.  “Love,” Victoria spoke into what she thought of as Liara’s ear, “I need to go say hello to my mother.  I’ll be back in a few minutes.  Will you be ok by yourself?  There are a lot of lecherous men ‘round these parts.”  She looked at Liara wolfishly, “And not a few women.”

Liara smiled and kissed Shepard gently on the lips much to the surprise of a few guests, an apparent violation of formal affair decorum.  “I’ll be ok.  I think I’ll go flirt with Anderson over there,” she winked.

A moment later Shepard stood with her mother.  She looked even more regal, dignified, in her ‘mess dress’ uniform than her daughter.  Hannah looked at Victoria, her facial expression stern.  _Wait.  This isn’t right._

“Who’s the trollop?” asked Hannah Shepard.

 _No.  This is not how it happened._   “Mother?”

“The Asari.  What is she doing here?  Shouldn’t she be shaking her ass in a bar somewhere?”

 _Mother, what’s going on?_   Victoria’s face broke.  She’d never been so unsettled, not even in combat.

“What?  Are you going to cry because mommy doesn’t approve of your whore of a _girlfriend_?”

 _What?  No!_   Shepard’s thoughts were interrupted by a crashing noise.  The wall opposite the reception hall caved in, crushing half of the guests.  “Liara!” Shepard shouted.  She was gone.  _She’s gone!  No!  This is not how it happened!_

Recently commissioned Lieutenant Junior Grade Ashley Williams, newly minted Spectre of the Citadel Council, appeared at her shoulder, “Skipper!  We gotta go!”  Shepard could hear air raid sirens wailing in the distance.  _No!  This isn’t what happened!  Ash pulled Liara and me out of the reception before the sirens, before the bombing.  This isn’t happening!_  

“Skipper!”  Ash grabbed her arm and started pulling her towards the door.  She looked back at her mother.  She stood perfectly still, glaring.

A flash-bulb went off.  The right side of Shepard’s body felt aflame.  _It burns!_   She looked at her mother through her un-blinded eye.  The nuclear flash, _it must be a nuclear weapon_ , had crisped her flesh, set her uniform alight.

_No!  Mother!  Liara!  No!_

“Mom!”

Shepard bolted upright.  Her right arm burned.  She rubbed it.  The flesh did not flake off as she expected it to.  She began to recognize where she was.  _This is my home.  I’m on Thessia._   She looked at her right arm; it was warming on the window sill.

“…mom!  Mom!”  Shepard looked down at her daughter.  Now she remembered, she had fallen asleep in her arms.   _I must have startled her awake,_ she thought to herself.

“Good morning Sam!  How are you?”  Little Samara smiled back at her.  She didn’t expect a response really; she hadn’t begun stringing words together in sentences yet.  _Soon enough she’ll be asking for the car keys_ , Shepard thought to herself.  “Up?”

“Up!” Samara responded enthusiastically. 

“Ok!  Here we go!”  Shepard picked her up and leapt from her chair.  She spun around the room hoisting her daughter up and down to her delight.  _Gosh she’s getting heavy.  My bad shoulder is going to start complaining about this soon._   She sighted the couch, “Time to land!  Zoom!”  Samara squealed in delight as they landed on the couch, Shepard suspending her over her head.  _This is perfect,_ Shepard thought to herself, _you’re my perfect baby girl_.  She’d all but forgotten the nightmare.  A flash, Shepard flinched.  A beep, Shepard flinched again slightly and craned her neck.  Liara stood over them, a small holo-imager in her delicate blue hands.  Liara smiled at them.

“You two look like you’re having a great time.  Yes you do!” she tickled Samara. 

Shepard smiled at her wife, “Love you.”

Liara smiled.

*****

Later, after Samara had gone to bed, arms wrapped tightly around a teddy bear gifted to her from Kelly, Shepard sat on the veranda watching the Thessian moon.  The night air was warm.  She wore a t-shirt and shorts.  _I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to all the robes the Asari wear_ , she thought to herself.  Thessia’s moon wasn’t the pale white of Luna, and no craters were visible through its cloud cover.  _Just a lonely blue orb marching its way through the sky,_ Victoria thought to herself.

As if she knew she was having an introspective moment, Kelly’s footsteps on the gravel path to the guest house became audible.  Shepard waited, the grounds weren’t normally lit at night and Kelly had to negotiate the path by moonlight alone.  Presently she came upon the veranda and sat beside Victoria.

“Aethyta all tuckered out?  You know, she’s over a thousand years old, you should take it easy on her,” Shepard chided with a wink. 

Kelly stretched and groaned.  _My, don’t you sound satisfied_ , thought Shepard.  “Oh no, she’s insatiable.  But she also knows that you and I usually have a chat about now, so I _got off_ easy.”  She chuckled.  “If Liara is even half like Aethyta you are in serious trouble when you get old and frail Victoria, she’s going to break you in half.”

“Anything on your mind?” pleasantries were over, time for therapy.

“I had another waking nightmare.”

“What about?”

“Liara and I were at a reception on Earth.  The night the war started.  Everything was like I remembered it, but then my mom just sort of went off on how Liara was a slut or something.  Then the wall caved in, and a nuke went off, and I watched her burn.  You know, the usual stuff.”

“What do you think it means?” asked Kelly.

“Not sure.  They only met once, sort of, but Mother seemed to rather like Liara.  They never even had time to talk, though; stuff started happening so quickly that night.”

“It’s not uncommon to revisit painful memories.  Maybe you’re trying to explore how things might have gone differently?”

“By watching my mother burst into flames in front of my eyes?”

“No, of course not.  You have some very powerful experiences stacked up in your brain.  They probably just bled through into this dream.”

“Just like that, huh?” Shepard said mockingly.

Kelly scowled slightly, “Somehow, I don’t think it’s the dream’s content that has you upset this time.  What’s really bothering you?”

“I almost dropped Sam.  She was laying on me when I woke up, I startled her.”

“You’re afraid you might have hurt her?”

“Yes, though it’s not as simple as that.  I’m afraid I _will_ hurt her.”  Shepard rocked her head back and forth popping the vertebrae, the replacement disks _Cerberus_ had given her were especially loud, and she rolled her bad shoulder.  Kelly was familiar with this behavior, it usually meant; _I’m really bothered by something_.  “I don’t want what I did in the past to happen to her.  I’m afraid some old enemy might hurt her.  Worse still, I’m afraid she’ll find herself in danger, hell, put herself in danger like I did.  All because she wants to be like me.  You know what I mean?”

“It’s natural for children to emulate their parents.  Though, I think you might be jumping the gun a little on that.  She’s only a year old.”  Kelly shifted slightly on the porch swing.  “You know, if you’re really worried about your daughter wanting to follow in your footsteps, there _is_ something you can do about that.”

Shepard turned rapidly to look Kelly, _what the hell?_

Sensing the _panic_ from Victoria, Kelly spoke.  “I wasn’t going to say leave her and Liara, and I _definitely_ wasn’t going to say kill yourself.  I know you Victoria; those were the first two thoughts to enter your head.  Why do you think we have these conversations?  What I was going to say is; walk a different path.”

“I don’t know if I can do that.  It’s who I am.  Wouldn’t that just be another form of death?” 

Kelly shrugged.


	23. Part 2, Chapter 4, Matron:

Part 2, Chapter 4, Matron:

A loud _clang_ sounded throughout the launch.  A shiver raced down Liara’s spine.  Normally space flight didn’t bother the Asari Matron, though this trip was different.  She looked down at her eight year old daughter Samara.  This was her first time off Thessia.  Liara didn’t want anything bad to happen.  _Calm Liara,_ she thought to herself, _space travel is safer than flying in a taxi on Illium, that’s for sure_.  _Especially if Shepard is driving,_ she added to herself.

Samara smiled back at her mother, she was having a great time.  Her eyes darted back and forth taking in the entirety of the Alliance launch.  Another hollow knock and Samara’s eyes looked at the hatch.  Docking was nearly complete.  She smiled.

Liara heard mumbling from the forward section of the launch.  The pilot was speaking softly into the communications unit.  He then leaned over to Shepard and spoke.  Victoria nodded a few times and climbed out of the co-pilot’s position with a dancer’s grace.  Liara’s heart warmed as she watched Shepard lock eyes with Samara and break out in a wide smile, “We’re connected.  Ready?”  Samara nodded emphatically in reply.

 _Ten years, Goddess, it’s already been ten years,_ Liara thought to herself.  _What was that human expression,_ Liara wondered to herself, _oh yes, ‘time flies when you’re having fun’.  Fun indeed._   She smiled.  Ten years ago today Citadel forces declared victory over the Reapers.  Celebrations were planned on nearly every populated world in the Milky Way.  Here in Alliance space the anniversary had come to be known, descriptively, as _Victory over the Reapers Day_.  Victoria and her family had been invited to participate in the VR Day, _oh how the humans love their abbreviations,_ festivities.

The Alliance and most of the Council had originally wanted the _Slayer of the Reapers_ to make an appearance on the Citadel, delivering some sort of key note speech at their celebration.  Victoria wasn’t having any of that.  Fortunately for her, Councilor Anderson hadn’t decided to retire just yet and told the Alliance brass and the rest of the Councilors to shove it.  _The humans certainly like their euphemisms_ , she thought to herself.  Victoria had a much more personal form of celebration in mind.

Young Samara offered her _father_ her ‘combination cover’ seemingly from nowhere.  _When did she get her hands on that?_   Liara thought to herself that Samara might have _inherited_ some of Shepard’s more stealthy traits.  _Goddess, she’ll be a handful in a few years._

With a flourish Victoria twirled the cover in her hand and placed it upon her head.  She flashed an inquisitive facial expression to her daughter, cocked her head to one side, and raised her hands palms up.  Liara understood this to be one way humans said _how is this?_ nonverbally.

Samara gave her mom two thumbs up and pronounced, “Look’n good!”  Samara had adopted English idioms much more readily than her mother.

Shepard knelt, as well as she could in her ‘dress blues’ skirt and kissed her daughter on the forehead.  “Why don’t you go over to your mother and watch your mom work.”  Liara’s heart warmed whenever she watched Victoria and their daughter.  She loved the girl so utterly.  It seemed like Victoria forgot all of her sadness when they were together.

Liara fell in slightly behind her mate.  Their daughter tucked in just behind her.  The hatch clicked open.  There was a barely audible hiss around the edges as air pressures equalized.  Victoria rolled her bad shoulder and popped her neck loudly.  Suddenly, unexpectedly, there was an ear splitting whistle.  It held tone, increased in frequency, decreased in frequency, and stopped suddenly.  A moment’s silence followed then a rustling and the loud _clap_ of 25 pairs of boot heels clicking together.  Liara watched the hairs on the back of Victoria’s neck stand on end.  _She hasn’t seen the inside of_ Normandy _since the war, how is she taking this?_   Liara thought to herself.

Admiral Victoria Shepard [Retired] stepped forward and through the airlock.  Liara followed.  Victoria stopped, turned, and snapped off a textbook-perfect salute to the Alliance Ensign affixed to the bulkhead.  Then she turned again and snapped off an equally perfect salute to _Normandy’s_ commander, “Permission to come aboard Captain Moreau?”  Liara recalled a previous conversation with Shepard; _Joker only holds the grade of Commander, but a master of a ship, regardless of rank, is addressed as Captain._   Shepard seemed to love sharing the traditions of her service with her.

“Granted Admiral,” Joker returned Victoria’s salute as best as his skeleton allowed and cracked a grin, “Welcome home skipper.”  They shook hands.  Joker looked Liara in the eyes.  He smiled, genuinely glad to see her, and said, “And you too Lady Liara,” he winked.  “And it looks like you brought the Mk-2.  Nice to meet you.”

Samara piped up, “Nice to meet you too Joker.”  She looked at Shepard, “He doesn’t seem like _that_ much of a jerk, mom.”

Shepard and Liara winced simultaneously and the _Normandy’s_ crew burst into laughter.  Joker just smiled and leaned close to Victoria, “I hate to break this to you skipper, but she doesn’t look a thing like you.”

 _What is that supposed to mean?_ thought Liara.  As if on cue, EDI spoke up from a nearby terminal, “As you no doubt have noticed, Captain Moreau, Admiral Shepard’s daughter is Asari.”  EDI paused, seemingly for dramatic effect, “Also, Admiral Shepard is female.”

“Thanks for ruining my joke EDI,” said Joker, “Also, haven’t we talked about debasing the captain in front of his men?”

“Of course Captain Moreau.  Welcome back to _Normandy_ Admiral Shepard.  Dr. T’soni, a pleasure as always.  Pleased to meet you Samara.”  Samara smiled, she had been looking forward to meeting an AI.

“Uh, Admiral, would you like to review the troops before my ship makes more jokes at my expense?” Joker smiled and hunched slightly.  The strain of standing up straight was telling on his face.

“Of course Captain.”  Shepard walked up and down the line of assembled crewmen.  A few faces were familiar; she paused to greet them personally.  She returned to Joker’s side and turned toward the assembled, “You have a fine crew Captain, and the best ship in the Navy.  It’s a personal privilege to be among you again, and to join you at the head of the _Parade of the Tall Ships_.  Happy VR Day.”

“Hip hip!” a crewman shouted to Liara’s surprise, “Hurray!” responded the crew in chorus.

“Hip hip!  Hurray!”

“Hip hip!  Hurray!”

Shepard flashed Liara a lopsided grin and winked.

“Crew,” Joker raised his voice, “man your stations.  Parade starts in an hour.”  The assembly broke up leaving Liara, Shepard, Samara, and Joker alone in the forward section of the ship near the helm.  “They don’t let me fly the thing personally anymore,” Joker seemed somewhat sad.  “Still, a skipper at my age, that’s pretty good.”  He shot a sideways look at Shepard, “We didn’t all jump three grades, get a star, and then a pension in the space of a month.”  Shepard stuck out her tongue, Samara mimicked her.  “Do you want me to give you the tour?  Pretty much everything is where you left it.  Fish are still alive.  You can just wander around if you like.  I’ll stay out of your hair.”

“Thanks Joker, I’d like that.  Join you in the CIC in an hour?”

“Sure thing skipper, and it’s good to see you again.”

*****

Liara spent the next hour touring _Normandy SR-2_.  The last time she’d been aboard, and not engaged in mortal combat, was the night she and Victoria had killed the Shadow Broker.  She blushed slightly at the memory.  They visited the crew deck and spoke with Mess Sergeant Gardner, still there a decade after the war.  He seemed genuinely glad to see the Admiral and absolutely fawned over Samara promising her a tasty treat for after the parade.   

The medical bay seemed a bit less homey without Dr. Chakwas.  Age had finally caught up with her and she had accepted a teaching position on Earth.

Samara marveled at the AI core and would have chatted for hours with EDI had they not wanted to see the remainder of the ship.  As they left, EDI whispered to Liara that she hoped her _assistant_ was still proving useful, and that she (it?) was still glad to have made an appearance at the wedding.

Upon reaching the engineering spaces, Shepard’s demeanor changed.  There were no familiar faces here.  The war had been particularly cruel to the engineering crew.  Leaving her wife and daughter behind, Shepard walked towards the mass effect core.  She stopped and placed a hand on a bulkhead, “The ship fitters at the yard did an amazing job.  You can barely see the repair.”

Samara didn’t understand.  She walked up to the bulkhead and placed her hand upon it as well.  Liara did understand.  She wasn’t aboard the _Normandy_ when it had happened, but she’d seen it in the bond.  It happened at the Second Battle of the Citadel.  A primary circuit linking the main fusion reactors to the Thanix Cannon had overloaded and blown out.  The temperature inside of main engineering had risen by nearly two thousand degrees within a second.  A kinetic barrier had gone up to protect the mass effect core, but it hadn’t protected the crew.  Shepard still vividly remembered standing in the CIC watching Tali’Zora vas Normandy scream as her environment suit melted to her skin.  Crewmen Daniels and Donnelly had died much more quietly.  Garrus was in gunnery control where the damage was less severe.  He lingered for three days in the infirmary before he died.

Shepard turned and looked at her beloved.  Her normally vibrant eyes looked hollow.  “I don’t want to be here anymore.”

*****

The parade itself was actually quite enjoyable.  _Normandy_ joined with her sister ships of Wolf Pack 6 and an assortment of other warships from her squadron.  They made low level passes over the Martian and Lunar colonies, _Shepard_ still _hadn’t taken her to see the Prothean ruins on Mars_.  Shepard closed her eyes in what looked like quiet reflection as they passed the space where her mother was killed.  Then they made high altitude over flights of several Earth cities.  New York’s Central Park was green once more.  Tokyo twinkled in a kaleidoscope of colors.  Earth was healing.  Samara was awed.  She had never seen the human home world before.

When the day’s festivities were over, and Samara had suffered the inevitable sugar-crash from Gardner’s chocolate cake, Admiral Shepard and her family departed the _Normandy_.  Liara watched her shake hands with Joker, snap off a perfect salute, salute the Alliance Ensign, and join her on the launch.

When they were clear of the _Normandy_ and on their way back towards the Charon Mass Relay, when she was sure Samara was asleep, and when she was sure the launch pilot was absorbed in his duties, Victoria Shepard placed her head on her wife’s shoulder and cried.


	24. Part 2, Chapter 5, Citizen:

Part 2, Chapter 5, Citizen:

Victoria Shepard looked out upon the Columbia Crest, Mount Rainer’s glaciers stood out starkly from the deep blue sky.  The weather was crystal clear, the view from Little Tahoma amazing.  Shepard could see clear to Vancouver, the anti-collision lights on the Fleet Base’s towers twinkled.  She looked around her.  In the distance the other peaks of the Cascades were also prominent.  _We’re so small._   She couldn’t put it any other way.  _We’re just blips in the grand scheme of things, the universe wouldn’t even notice if we were gone._

Victoria had seen a lot; the beauty of dozens of worlds, and horrors she wished she could forget.  She had seen similar vistas of course.  A childhood in space had broadened her horizons, Earth wasn’t _that_ unique.  But views like this, _Earth will always be my favorite, even if I didn’t grow up here._  

Suddenly the view of western Washington was replaced by the wind-swept snow peaks of Noveria.  _Mount Rainer wasn’t too different from Peak 15 when you got down to it._   “Shepard.”  Victoria turned to the voice and looked directly into the eyes of Lady Benezia T’soni.  Her heart skipped a beat.  “Shepard, why did you kill me?” 

The Rachni queen lumbered in her containment vessel.  Shepard’s head snapped away from the Matriarch to the new movement.  The creature pointed its _eyes_ at her and spoke directly to her mind, _no intermediary this time_ , “You’ve poisoned the songs of your mothers.  You will do the same for your daughters.”

Benezia spoke up, “You still don’t know the privilege of being a mother.  You’ll only turn those you love to despair. 

“Mom?  Mom?” Shepard’s heart lurched back into rhythm.  “Mom?  Are you alright?”  Benezia’s face melted away into that of the granddaughter she would never know.  “Mom?”  Shepard’s face went slack momentarily.  She blinked.  Her eyes fixed those of her daughter Samara, _my beautiful perfect baby girl._   “Mom, where were you just now?”

 _She looks so much like her_ , Shepard thought.  It’s funny how genes can line up, Samara bore a striking resemblance to her mother’s mother.  “Nowhere, Sam.  I was just enjoying the view.”  She smiled.

Samara raised the Asari equivalent of an eyebrow and looked at her _father_.  She obviously didn’t believe her.  Shepard’s increasingly erratic behavior was beginning to concern her.  She’d even noticed the impact it was having on her mother.  Part of her wondered if there was something she could do for her “mom”.  Another part of her desperately hoped there _was_ something she could do.  Yet a third part of her, deep down where she tried to keep all such feelings, feared that she was somehow the cause of Shepard’s pain.

Shepard gave her a peck on the cheek.  Samara completed her introspection.  “I’m glad you could come with me,” she said to her daughter.

Samara looked out towards the north.  There wasn’t anything like this on Thessia.  Shepard spoke often of the natural beauty of Earth.  Samara was only twenty years old, barely a toddler by Asari standards, but she could appreciate her _father’s_ aesthetic sensibilities.  When Victoria had asked her to come along to Earth while she addressed classes at the Alliance Naval Academy Annex Samara jumped at the opportunity.  Of course that was only one of the activities Shepard had on her agenda, but Samara wasn’t supposed to know about that. 

They both heard the crunching of boots on rock.  Another pair of hikers arrived at the top of Little Tahoma and waved to Shepard and her daughter.  _On the mountain we’re all friends_ , Shepard thought to herself, _another quaint charm of Earth_.  She supposed it was a good thing.  Being kind to your fellow hikers made it more likely that you’d help each other out if there were some sort of accident.  With the ability to call for an evac-shuttle in any weather, however, mountain climbing wasn’t nearly as perilous as in centuries past.  _Still, might as well not burn bridges if you can avoid it,_ she thought.

“Morning!” Shepard heard herself say, “You mind snapping a photo of me and my daughter?”

One of the other hikers, an older gentleman, snapped his eyes back and forth between them and arched an eyebrow, “Daughter?”  He smirked, “Sure.”

Samara chuckled slightly.  On the few times she’d left Thessia she had heard it all.  At least this hiker’s seeming racism was benign, almost charming.  She reached into her jacket and produced a compact holo-imager.  “Thanks mister, I know my mother would really love a photo of her wife and me.”  She smiled watching the other climber grimace slightly.

Samara tossed the compact camera to the other climber and placed her arm around her _father_.  Victoria Shepard placed an arm around her daughter’s shoulder and smiled at her.  “I love you very much Sam.”

“I love you too mom.”

They both looked into the camera and smiled.

*****

 _Mom certainly looks dashing in her uniform, no wonder Mother fell for her,_ Samara T’soni thought to herself.  Despite being retired for nearly 20 years, as a flag officer, not to mention the recipient of numerous species’ highest commendations for bravery, including the Alliance, Shepard was entitled to wear her uniform for official functions.  Shepard fussed with the ribbon ‘salad bar’ on her breast.  Samara smirked, “Look’n good mom.”

Shepard shot her daughter a look and smiled.  “Thanks Sam.  Why don’t you go grab a seat in the back and watch your mom work.”  She winked.  She watched her daughter walk away.  _Game time._   She took a deep breath and straightened her tie, _the ‘service dress’ uniform isn’t quite as awesome as the ‘dress blues’ but I still look good._

She sighed.  _I’m getting too old for this bullshit._   In reality, 51 year old Victoria Shepard had at least another ninety years of vibrant active life ahead of her.  _And I still look as good as the day I died,_ she laughed out loud to herself.  “Alright, time to inspire the youth.”

Samara took her seat at the back of the lecture hall.  She looked at the midshipmen, or the backs of their heads at any rate.  The men, and some of the women, sported shortly shorn hair.  Others had their hair in tight buns, _just like mom when she’s in her uniform._   _They’re so young,_ Samara thought to herself, _just like me_.  It wasn’t lost on Samara, however, that she had only lived two percent of her total lifespan.  The men and women in this room had used up nearly seven times that. 

“Admiral on deck!”  The assembled midshipmen and a few officers towards the front of the lecture hall rocketed to attention.  Samara shot to her feet despite herself.  Rear Admiral (Lower Half) Victoria Shepard [Retired], the hero of the Alliance, strode towards the podium.  Even from 100 meters away at the back of the lecture hall she was an imposing presence.  Flame red hair, pale white skin, emerald green eyes, tri-athlete build, nearly 190 centimeters tall, Shepard had _gravitas_.  _And judging from the body language of the midshipmen, they_ knew _it._

“Please be seated.”  Shepard attained the podium as the assembly settled in their seats.  She looked out over the crowd.  _Shit, they’re_ so _young,_ she thought to herself.  She looked down at her prepared speech, some nonsense about duty, honor, and loyalty.  _Fuck this,_ she thought. 

“I had prepared a speech on how you epitomized the ideals of the Systems Alliance, thanking you for your commitment, and inspiring you all to future feats of daring do in the name of humanity.”  A murmur, interspersed with chuckling, passed through the crowd.  “But, I’m fairly certain you’ve already heard that routine so I’ll spare you.  The floor’s open, who has questions?”

Nearly every midshipman in the hall, and quite a few of the officers, looked back and forth at each other wondering what to make of it.  Eventually an enterprising young woman spoke up, “Admiral.  What was the most interesting world you visited?”

“Ilos.  Next question.”

A ripple of laughter spread through the crowd.  But the young midshipman wasn’t having it, “Beg your pardon ma’am, why Ilos?”  Shepard displayed the lopsided grin that had been popularized by a series of documentaries on the Reaper War, the actress cast as Shepard _had_ borne a striking resemblance, and launched into a riveting retelling of the Ilos mission and its importance to the First Battle of the Citadel.

The ‘sea stories’ went on for nearly an hour.  Victoria had the crowd captivated.  Midshipmen asked Victoria about her time at the academy, her N7 training, what it was like to be the first human Spectre, and any number of other things. 

Samara had heard most of these stories already, usually when out and about alone with her _father._   Liara didn’t like Shepard telling her daughter graphic stories from the war.  In her eyes she was still barely more than an infant, Shepard was the one who treated her more like the young adult she was becoming.  _It probably helps that I look like a human 20 year old, even if I do have blue skin._   In fact, most non-Asari wouldn’t have been able to guess her age within 200 years her people were so youthful in appearance.

Tuning her _father’s_ speech out, Samara observed the midshipmen, their officers, and the lecture hall.  Every last youth sat at rapt attention listening to Shepard’s every word.  The officers were slightly more subdued.  Undoubtedly they shared some of the experiences the Admiral was relaying.  The lecture hall was as spotless as all of the midshipmen’s uniforms, it could have been 6 months old, or 60 years, it was hard to tell.  Samara noticed the presence of another civilian in the dark back row.  She was human, china-doll white skin, jet black hair, and she wore a dark pin-striped business suit.  She was beautiful, _stunning really,_ Samara felt an instant physical attraction.  Samara narrowed her gaze, she looked familiar somehow.  Before she could switch seats to sit next to her, however, a commotion down front grabbed both of their attention.

“I’m sorry midshipman.  Could you clarify that a bit?”

“Yes Admiral.  What I meant was, is there any one thing about the Reaper War that stands out in your mind?”

Samara looked at the back of the standing midshipman’s head.  So far, he was the first to ask Shepard a direct question about her war experience.  All of the questions up till now had been general questions about Shepard’s background which she had filled in with details from missions.  Samara looked at her _father_.  Her facial expression changed slightly, her left eyelid fluttered nearly imperceptibly.  She’d seen this look more frequently lately; _this isn’t going to end well._

“The Reaper War was loud, midshipman,” Shepard said flatly.  “That is probably the one word I can use to sum it up.”  The midshipman sat down and cocked his head to the side, he obviously didn’t understand.  “I can tell from the look on your face that you’re not quite sure what I mean about that, so let me lay some truth on you.

“War is loud.  The sheer volume of combat is amazing.  A single assault rifle may not make much noise on the range, but a thousand of them firing in close proximity at max cyclic rate is difficult to describe in words.  Add to that the sounds of high explosives.  Far away it sounds like you’re in _Afterlife_ on Omega listening to house music, a bass beat shaking the lungs in your chest.  Close in it’s so loud it makes you dizzy, you can’t tell which way is up.  You can’t hear individual explosions because the ringing in your ears is just too loud.” 

Shepard was no longer looking at the midshipman.  She wasn’t looking at anything anymore.  The eyelid no longer twitched, but her normally vibrant green eyes seemed lifeless.  She continued, “Sonic booms of low flying aircraft.  Twenty kilotons going off over your head, the hissing and popping of rocks, soil, and flesh burning in the thermal pulse and the loudest thunderclap you’ve ever heard as the shockwave passes.  Then nothing, your eardrums have been ruptured, except the ringing.

“A thousand voices on the radio, some calling in situation reports, others pleading for help.  The roaring sound of air rushing out of a hull breach.  The wet slapping sound of bullets entering flesh.  The gurgling sound of a lung-shot soldier drowning to death on dry land.  The howling of a man covered in burning propellant trying to stop-drop-and-roll, but the flames just won’t go out.

“The sounds of your own thoughts racing through you head.  You’re shouting at yourself to call fire missions, to tell your squad to take cover or attack, to tell your own legs to move despite the lactic acid making them feel like concrete.  No matter how loud your thoughts are, they’re still difficult to hear over the combat raging around you.”

Shepard trailed off.  Staring off into nothing she grimaced.  A moment later she blinked and was back.  Shepard cleared her throat.  She looked at the midshipman who asked the question, “I hope that was a useful answer for you.  If there aren’t any other questions, I think we’ve covered enough for one lecture.”

“Well that was dramatic,” Samara was surprised by the business suit woman now sitting next to her.  _Where did she come from?  Mother would be cross with me for not noticing her approach._   “It’s nice to meet you Samara.  Well, meet you again.  Though, last time you were just a clump of cells inside of your mother.”  She paused, “I gave you a set of footie-pajamas.  I hope you liked them.”

Samara smiled, “You must be Miranda.”


	25. Part 2, Chapter 6, Matron:

Part 2, Chapter 6, Matron:

Liara was incandescent with rage.  _They almost killed my baby girl!_   A biotic field flickered in and out of sight around her body.  _My baby!_   She closed her eyes.  She breathed deeply.  _Calm Liara, calm_ , she said to herself.  _My Samara!_   Unable to control herself Liara formed a biotic field in her hand and threw an end table across the room.  It splintered against a wall.  Its contents thudded to the floor.  Her pounding heart slowed.  _Calm!_  

A platinum pocket watch, cover popped open, face cracked, spun to a stop on the hardwood floor.  She looked at the broken memento and its poetic inscription.  Her anger peaked again.  Liara’s normal outlets for stress would not do this time.  She couldn’t corner Victoria and tear her clothes off; _I cannot believe she put our little girl in danger!_   She couldn’t immerse herself in Shadow Broker business, _I should have seen that trap, it might as well have been me who put our little girl in danger!_   She couldn’t confide in Kelly.  _Oh Goddess!  Kelly’s dead!_   Liara’s composure broke.  She collapsed.  _Oh Goddess, my baby nearly died and Kelly’s dead!_  

Her body shuddered.  She’d never felt this way before.  She’d never felt so much of _anything_ before.  _No, that’s not true_.  She remembered the day Shepard died.  She thought her heart would stop beating the despair was so great.  Then Shepard was her whole world.  Now she had a daughter who also occupied a large place in her heart.  _And I almost lost her.  I almost lost them both._

She shuddered again.  Then there was a presence.  A strong set of arms embraced her.  _Shepard!_   Liara set her jaw.  It was too much, _just too much!_   Liara’s thoughts arrived in a rapid staccato.  _Is this what it’s like to have your life flash before your eyes?_

Victoria’s death had nearly killed her.  She didn’t think she would ever stop crying, she didn’t think she would ever leave her bed.  When she finally did, she didn’t think she would ever forgive herself for handing Shepard’s body over to _Cerberus_.  The only way Liara could live with herself was to throw her entire being into finding and killing the Shadow Broker.  He was the embodiment of her loss.  Handing Shepard’s body to _Cerberus_ just to keep it out of the hands of the Shadow Broker and his Collector compatriots was adding insult to injury.

Then, miraculously, Shepard was alive.  Liara’s world was upside-down again.  The joy of her love returning was greater than the fear that she would lose her again, but only barely so.  They had spent a glorious night together and Shepard launched herself into a suicidal mission.  More tears.  But Shepard returned to her and they were happy for a time.  Then the war started.  But, miracle of miracles, Shepard survived and returned to her yet again.  She had found peace.  Victoria had fought her last battle, she was hers now. 

Then she gave her a daughter.  She was complete.  Liara didn’t know she could love anyone more than Shepard, not until her daughter Samara was born.  Liara could see so much of herself and Victoria in her, and she bore an eerie resemblance to her own mother.  All of the past fears and sadness were gone, never to return.

 _Until now!  How could you?_   Liara’s thoughts screamed in her head.  _You knew how badly your loss hurt me.  You know how badly I need you in my life.  How could you risk yourself!_   She sobbed loudly.  _How could you risk our daughter too!  You’re both everything to me!  I can’t lose you!  Neither of you!_

Liara’s body shuddered violently, “I hate you!”  She sobbed.  Spittle flew from her mouth, “I hate you!  How could you?”  The arms embracing her tightened.  “When you died, I died too!  Then you come back and keep risking yourself!  I can’t take this!” 

She shuddered again despite the constrictive embrace.  On some intellectual level Liara knew that Victoria hadn’t consciously placed their daughter in danger.  Samara was always supposed to return to Thessia while Shepard and Kelly took care of business.  But Liara was beyond rational thought, she was pure emotion.  The biotic field flickered again, “What if our daughter died?  How could you?  She’s not a soldier, she’s our baby girl!  You tell her all these stories and she wants to be like you.  She’s not you!”  Liara’s eyes squeezed shut even more tightly.  The tears still streamed through.  Her breathing became ragged, she was hyperventilating.  “Never again, Shepard!  Never!  You hear me?”  Shepard squeezed tighter.  “Never!  Or I want you out of our lives!”  Shepard’s embraced slackened.

The door clicked open and the medical sister entered the room.  “She’s awake,” the tall Matron said, “You can speak with her now if you like.”

Liara rubbed what tears she could from her swollen eyes.  “Come Victoria,” she said coldly as she stood.  “Let’s go,” she looked into Shepard’s flat lifeless expression and stopped.

*****

Samara’s room was well lit.  The Thessian sun shone through large French-door windows.  The room’s small balcony had a lovely view of Benezia’s gardens.  Inside, the room was decorated with a mix of human an Asari items.  Samara had what her _father_ would call ‘eclectic’ taste.  A teddy bear, a gift from Kelly Chambers, sat on a wooden rocking chair in one corner.  A hand woven Asari tapestry, bought from the Ardat-Yakshi retreat on the northern continent, hung from the wall opposite the window.  A framed picture of an eight year old Samara and Shepard standing in the CIC on _SSV Normandy_ sat on a small wooden dresser.  A VIP ticket to _Afterlife_ on Omega, un-used at the insistence of her mother, was pinned to a wall.  A small Prothean artifact from Ilos sat in a glass case in another corner of the room.  Framed pressed flowers from the gardens outside covered another wall.

Samara laid on her four-poster bed propped up against a large pillow.  She grimaced slightly despite the hefty dose of medi-gel the medical sister had given her.  Her lower body was tucked tightly beneath the blankets.  Her right leg made a small lump in the covers; her left leg was conspicuously missing.  It would be several weeks before a replacement, already growing in a vat at the local hospital, was ready for transplant.  The left side of her robin’s egg blue face was peppered with small cuts; the medi-gel was already doing its work on them.

Liara stepped on a loose floor board, it creaked.  Samara flinched at the sound.  Liara took a short quick breath, _Goddess, I’ve seen Shepard look like this._   Samara’s eyes darted to her parents, and then they darted away.

Liara sat beside her only daughter and tried to stroke the side of her face.  Samara flinched at first but then settled.  “I’m so glad you’re ok,” Liara said, eyes tearing.  “I don’t know what I’d do if I lost my _‘little wing’_.”  She shot a withering stare at Victoria.  Victoria closed her eyes for a moment, _what is going on inside her head_ , then turned and left the room.

The door closed gently and Liara turned to her daughter.  Liara tried to calm her racing thoughts, _what do I do now?_   “It’s okay, mother.  I’m ok.”  She looked up expecting to see her daughter’s smiling face.  _Oh Goddess, I’ve seen that expression before._   Samara looked at her mother with a blank emotionless stare.  The discontinuity between Samara’s tone and facial expression profoundly disturbed her.

“Can you tell me what happened?”

“I screwed up, that’s what happened,” responded Samara.  Her face tightened in anger.

Liara was always surprised at the extent Samara used English colloquialisms.  Liara recalled the human expression; _I am my father’s son_.  Somehow it fit the situation.  “I’m sure that’s not true.”  Liara reached for her daughter’s hand.  Samara withdrew it quickly.  “Please.  I’m sure it’ll help if you talk about it.  What happened?”

“You mean the Shadow Broker doesn’t know?” there was venom in Samara’s voice.

Liara’s jaw dropped, _she knows_.  Liara always suspected Samara knew she hadn’t left her past as an information broker fully behind, but she had no idea that Samara was aware of her alter ego.  “I didn’t know you knew I was the Shadow Broker.”


	26. Part 2, Chapter 7, Citizen:

Part 2, Chapter 7, Citizen:

“I don’t know what I’d do if I lost my _‘little wing’_ ,” Liara said.  Then she turned and looked at Victoria with murder in her eyes.  Shepard took this as a cue to leave.

Shepard was numb, her thought process ground to a near halt.  Days gone by she would go for a run; get the blood and hopefully thoughts pumping.  Now, all she could do was wander aimlessly.  Presently she found herself in Benezia’s gardens.  She looked down at Kelly’s grave, freshly mounded dirt with no marker.  After returning to Thessia Shepard had made sure that Samara was tended to, and then she tended to Kelly.  Her body, what was left of it, laid next to that of Aethyta.  A memorial would have to be planned, but not just yet.

The Matriarch had died almost 8 months ago, old age, nearly 1,100 years so far as anyone could tell.  Her passing was, fortunately, quite rapid.  No years of lingering debilitating illness.  No gradual decline in mental faculties.  One day she woke up feeling under the weather, a week later she was gone.  It was hard on everyone, but devastating to Kelly. 

The woman who was trained to council others was, herself, inconsolable.  She only came to the memorial service under heavy sedation.  It was a _good_ funeral, if such things could be given positive descriptions.  There was song, there was even a dance.  Easily a hundred Matriarchs from all over Thessia came to pay their respects.  In life, at least up until the Reaper War, Aethyta was shunned.  Her wisdom was ignored by a people who normally held their elders with great regard and reverence.  Afterwards, when some of her views were more palatable to the Asari Republics, she was welcomed home.  Still, she preferred to tend her bar on Illium.

The family cried.  The family grieved.  The family moved on, but not Kelly.  For a time Shepard worried she’d take her own life.  Eventually she came around, though they never saw the cheerful _Kelly-bear_ again.  Something changed within her.  She started working more closely with Liara in her Shadow Broker capacity.  She was more aggressive, less compassionate.  She would disappear for weeks at a time.  She resigned from the Alliance inactive reserves.

Kelly was conducting active Shadow Broker operations, and that’s where it started.  Shepard didn’t know the specifics, perhaps she never would.  She was sure that Liara would run a thorough _post-mortem_ on the operation.  Maybe it was a long-delay sleeper cell.  Maybe Miranda’s network had been compromised.  Maybe she had out right betrayed them, though Shepard thought that unlikely since she and Samara were still alive.  Perhaps EDI had missed something.  Maybe there was another AI out there actively trying to counter EDI.  Maybe there was a hidden sub-routine in EDI’s programming no one was aware of.  The possibilities were endless.  All Shepard knew was the outcome. 

Kelly was spearheading an operation to root out a newly discovered _Cerberus_ sleeper cell still loyal to the original Illusive Man.  Miranda and Liara asked Shepard to help.  Victoria would provide over-watch on a meet with a contact.  Samara, somehow without the knowledge of anyone else, found out and decided she wanted to help Kelly.  She was standing next to Kelly, right in the middle, when an all-out fire fight started.  Quite frankly, she shouldn’t be alive.

_The fact that Samara still draws breath is due almost entirely to the fact I went full-on_ Viking Vikki _and slaughtered every last one of those_ Cerberus _motherfuckers,_ thought Shepard.  She balled her fist at the memory.  A faint biotic field flickered about her body.  Shepard’s heart raced.  She was there again.

It started after Shepard’s speech at the Naval Academy Annex.  Miranda was delighted to finally meet Samara in person.  They had chatted idly for an hour or so and saw Samara off to the spaceport in Vancouver.  Shepard told her daughter that she had some Alliance business to attend to and would follow her on the next lighter to Thessia.  Kelly rendezvoused with them on the flight to the target area.  The detail planning was conducted en route.

At the intersection of two relatively quiet alleys cattycorner to a largely vacant loading apron in the industrial section of New Orleans, Kelly stood leaning against a shipping crate.  Her contact would be wearing blue.  He would be carrying a package.  It was allegedly navigational data pointing to a heretofore unknown _Cerberus_ cell working salvage on some Reaper wreckage left over from the war.  It couldn’t be transmitted, it needed hand delivery.  It was _too_ perfect, it _screamed_ trap.  Neither Liara, Miranda, nor EDI could find anything to indicate the information was inauthentic, Kelly went in.

She was unarmored, her only protection a light ballistic weave singlet worn under unassuming street clothes.  One pocket of her baggy leather jacket contained a stun baton and a communications unit was hidden in her collar, but she was otherwise unarmed.  An EDI subroutine was monitoring the local communications net for trouble.  Shepard was the muscle.  Victoria posted herself atop a shipping container with a good line of sight down one of the alleys and a decent field of fire over the loading apron.  If trouble appeared on the alley Shepard couldn’t see, Kelly only needed to take a few steps back to be clear of the directional mines Shepard had planted.  On a radio command either Victoria or Kelly could turn that alley into a meat grinder.  Shepard was armed with a heavy combat rifle with a medium scope.  She concealed herself beneath an active camouflage blanket.  She was invisible.

The appointed time came, the man in blue arrived.  He demanded twice the agreed upon price for the information.  Kelly didn’t want to hear it, she insisted they’d made a deal and he should honor it.  The man in blue raised his jacket to show a heavy pistol and urged her to reconsider.  Shepard centered the rifle scope’s ‘death dot’ on the bridge of the man’s nose. 

Then, something unexpected happened.

A figure appeared in the alley behind Shepard’s position and walked towards Kelly and the man in blue.  Shepard couldn’t move or she’d give her position away, but the look on Kelly’s face when she saw who the individual was made her worry.  Then Shepard heard the words she’d heard twice before, by two generations of T’soni women.

“Have you faced an Asari commando unit before?”

Kelly sported a ‘ _what the fuck’_ facial expression.  The man in blue placed his hand on the butt of his pistol.  The figure entered Shepard’s field of view.  _Samara!  What the_ fuck _are you doing here?_   Shepard’s brain started screaming.  Kelly, instinctively, started backing away from the intersection.  She was trying to get clear of the blind alley.  Samara closed the distance.  She wore lightweight body armor of Asari manufacture and a gold gorget about her neck.

“Few humans have.” 

The man in blue un-holstered his pistol, Shepard pulled her trigger.  The shot echoed momentarily off the alley walls, then silence.  Then a wet thud of the back of the man in blue’s skull striking the alley floor several feet from his rag doll body. 

All hell broke loose.

Shepard’s thoughts and actions accelerated even further.  She watched herself sight in on movement from the loading apron.  A pair of shipping containers opened revealing a squad of mercenaries with light mech support.  She drilled two men between the eyes before they had a chance to open fire.  _God damn it!  How did we not detect them?_ In her peripheral vision Shepard was aware of Kelly pushing Samara clear of the blind alley.  She was shouting the detonate command into her jacket’s collar.

Shepard shot another mercenary through the neck when the directional mines detonated.  The blind alley turned into a maelstrom of shrapnel.  A substantial amount of debris and fragments flew in the opposite direction as well.  Kelly wasn’t completely clear, her left flank was peppered.  Samara caught some too.  High velocity sand and metal pocked her face.  Still, Kelly pushed Samara trying to get her clear of the fighting.  Her face was a mask of pain and terror, terror that Samara might get hurt.

Shepard dropped the last mercenary and engaged the four legged FENRIS mechs, simple work.  For a moment she thought the engagement might be over.  Then a flash and a bang and Kelly wasn’t there anymore.  She was just _gone!_   Samara lay in the middle of the alley, several meters from cover, coated if offal that must have been Kelly just a few moments ago.  Her left leg above the knee dangled from her thigh by a chunk of muscle.  She howled.

In a biotic flash Shepard stormed from her hiding spot and was upon her daughter.  She dropped to a knee, imposing her body between Samara and another squad of mercenaries.  Shepard fired rapidly, the mercenaries took cover.  Quickly, expertly, Shepard hoisted Samara onto her shoulder and ran to the nearest shipping container.  The mutilated remains of Samara’s lower left leg slapped lazily against hers with every step, maroon blood spurted from severed arteries.  She threw her down hard behind cover and pulled a medi-gel compress from her armor.  Samara howled again as Shepard applied it to the stump of her left leg.  Victoria held pressure and counted to three.  She let go, the medi-gel held.  Samara _shouldn’t_ bleed out or die of shock.

Victoria Shepard looked at her daughter.  Samara screamed, she drew a deep ragged breath and screamed again.  Tears streamed from her eyes, her lips were drawn back from her teeth in pain.  She looked at her _father_ pleading for help with her tear swollen eyes. 

Victoria Shepard ceased to be, _Viking Vikki_ took over.  Rapidly, machine like, she ejected and replaced her rifle’s thermal clip.  “Stay here,” she said to Samara, and she was off.  Medi-gel coursing through her blood, pain giving way to euphoria, Samara levered herself to peek between the shipping container and the alley wall.

Shepard fired on the move.  She dropped one mercenary with a shot to her throat.  Threat removed she paid no more attention to her thrashing and gurgling, Shepard grinned.  Victoria used her biotics to lift another mercenary fifteen meters in the air and then slammed him back to the ground on his head with spine shattering force.  Another she _stitched_ up with three shots; right hip, solar plexus, and chin.  The lower part of that mercenary’s head disappeared in a red _puff_.

Finally, Shepard came upon a mercenary desperately trying to reload a rocket propelled grenade launcher.  _This must be the_ fucker _who fragged Kelly,_ Victoria thought.  Victoria fired her rifle three times; one round into the grenade launcher, destroying it, and another round each into the mercenary’s knees.  Thermal clip depleted, Shepard slung her rifle.  _I’m not done yet!_

Shepard summoned her biotic power and lifted the injured mercenary two meters into the air.   She looked into his face; the mercenary’s eyes were screwed shut in pain and fear.  Shepard balled her fist and slammed him into the alley wall.  He impacted with a dull _crunching_ sound.  Armor collapsed, bones broke.  Then she whipped her arm away from the wall slamming the mercenary into an adjacent shipping container.  Another satisfying crunch accompanied by a _bong_ of the hollow container reverberating under the blow.  Blood oozed freely from the mercenary’s ears and fractured eye sockets.  He looked at her with one eye, the other couldn’t move. He moaned.

Victoria bared her teeth and smiled.  _This is who I am, this is what I do.  I am_ become _death, and you will_ fucking _know it!_   Shepard whipped her arm again, _crunch_.  _You do not_ fuck _with Victoria Shepard!  Bong_.  _You do not_ fuck _with her friends!  Crunch._   _You_ most certainly _do not_ fuck _with Victoria’s baby girl!  Bong._

Shepard poured all of her anger into the dying mercenary.  He became Victoria’s catharsis.  All of her pain, guilt, and sadness over lost friends and family flowed out into the mercenary’s increasingly mangled body.  For a moment she forgot about Samara.  For a moment she forgot about Kelly.  She imagined purging herself of all of her negative experiences and emotions.  She _needed_ this, she needed _release_.  _Crunch.  Bong.  Crunch._

Some time later she remembered Samara and released her biotic grip.  There wasn’t anything left that resembled a human.  Broken armor and flesh littered the ground.  A section of rib cage protruded from a dented shipping container.  Bits of brain matter were smeared across the alley wall.  She wished she could do more, but the trance was broken.  _Samara!_  

Shepard turned to look where she had left Samara.  She had levered herself out from behind cover to look at her _father_.  Her eyes were wide, her jaw was slack.  Shepard knew this look. 

Samara was in awe.  

Shepard died inside.

*****

Victoria Shepard returned to the present.  She was sitting on the veranda overlooking Benezia’s gardens.  She didn’t remember walking back from the graves.  _Samara was there because she wanted to be like me,_ Victoria thought.  _She would never have gone if I hadn’t told her all of those stories,_ she continued.  _I could have been the one who shot her, it’s all the same, this is my fault._   Shepard wrapped her arms around herself and gripped tightly.  Despite her efforts she cried out in despair.  _She_ had almost killed her daughter.  _She_ did it, not some faceless mercenary, it was _her_.

Victoria sobbed.  _I almost killed my baby girl!_   _She’s not safe from me.  She’s not safe from the stories I’ve told her, or will tell her.  She’s not safe from the things I’ve done, or will do.  I saved the galaxy to make it safe for her and her mother and all I do is fuck it up!  I can’t do this anymore.  I can’t let this happen again.  They’d be better off without me in their lives; I’d just screw it up some more.  I’m a monster.  I do monstrous things.  So long as I exist, I’m a threat to them._

Victoria’s sobbing subsided.  She knew what she needed to do.


	27. Part 2, Chapter 8, Matron:

Part 2, Chapter 8, Matron:

Liara was numb.  The anger had passed, for the moment, to be replaced with grief.  Liara grieved for Kelly, she also grieved for Samara.  Samara was alive and would make a full recovery, but Liara doubted she’d ever be the same.

Samara wouldn’t tell her how she knew about the rendezvous.   _I’ll get it out of her eventually_ , Liara thought coldly.  As the Shadow Broker she was very good at getting information out of people.  _Goddess, did I just tell myself I was going to interrogate my own daughter?_ Liara’s heart ached even more at the thought. 

Samara would, however, say why she’d gone.  “I wanted to see mom work.  I wanted to help her.  I wanted to be like her.  I want to help in the _family business_.”  Her explanation struck her palpably.  Samara was a child; she had no place in these things.  Victoria, and herself, did their awful work during the war to make it so their children wouldn’t have to.  Liara maintained the mantle of Shadow Broker to help ensure galactic stability.  Shepard still occasionally went on missions to the same end.  The idea that Samara would get hurt trying to emulate her _father_ agonized her.  She loved Shepard, but she also hated her.

When Samara finally started filling in details she said something that even more profoundly disturbed her mother, “It was beautiful.” 

 _It was beautiful?_   _Goddess, what could possibly make you say that?_  

Some time later, Liara left her daughter’s room.  Shepard wasn’t waiting for her.  She _needed_ her mate.  She wasn’t sure if she wanted to kill her or hold her, but Liara knew she needed to see Victoria.

She searched the house only to find her sitting on the veranda overlooking Benezia’s gardens.  Approaching slowly, silently, Liara observed.  What she saw was disturbing.  Victoria hunched.  She held her arms crossed tightly over her breasts.  Victoria’s face was deep red, her eyes closed tightly over tears.  She cried out.  Her shoulders bucked mightily, a muffled sob wheezed past her tightly drawn lips.

Liara watched Shepard’s breathing gradually become more regular.  Her face returned to its normal pale white.  The tears stopped, her jaw relaxed.  For a moment she looked calm, at peace even.  _Something’s just been decided,_ Liara thought.

Shepard heard her wife approach and straightened up slightly.  “What did she say?” she asked.

Liara couldn’t bring herself to answer immediately.  She smoothed her robes and sat next to her beloved.  _Yes, she is_ still _my beloved.  Regardless of what just happened, I love her._   She wrapped her right arm around Victoria’s shoulders.  Victoria offered her right hand.  It was accepted by Liara’s left and they interlocked fingers.  Shepard absentmindedly fiddled with Liara’s wedding band.  “I think, deep down, you know what she said my love.”

“Yes,” Shepard looked off into the distance.  After a lengthy pause, Shepard said, “I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion.  I watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tanhauser Gate.  All…”

“ _By the Goddess!_  What are you talking about?” Liara interrupted her.

Shepard’s left eyelid fluttered slightly.  For a moment her stone visage broke.  The _thousand-meter stare_ was gone.  She turned to Liara and there was life in her eyes, _she’s smiling!_  “You know, Liara, we have a library of several thousand vids stretching back 200 years of human history.  You might join Samara and I and watch one from time to time.” 

A rage began to grow within Liara, _this isn’t the time for jokes_ , she thought to herself.  _It was Samara’s fascination with you and your background that caused this!  By the Goddess, why can’t you be_ fucking _serious for a moment?_   Then, suddenly, the rage disappeared.  Shepard’s face was a slack mask, the life gone from her eyes. 

“I know exactly what she said.”  Shepard released Liara’s hand; her arm fell limply into her lap.  Victoria spoke sadly as she looked away, “She said that: _she saw_ Viking Vikki _, and that it was beautiful_.” 

Liara’s jaw dropped.

Shepard stared out at nothing in particular, “She idolizes me.  She wanted to be part of all of the stories I ever told her.  I never told her how _truly_ awful it really was.  Not a single story had the whole truth.  She doesn’t know what I became, what I had to become.  So far as I can tell she only has a small inkling as to my nightmares.”  Shepard looked at her beloved.  From Liara’s facial expression she knew she was right.

“She, somehow, saw the opportunity to join me.  Do you know what she did?  She waltzed right in there and fucking _channeled_ your mother!  _Have you faced an Asari commando unit before?  Few humans have._   Does that ring a bell?”  Liara’s jaw dropped, again.

“She walked right into the middle of a kill-zone like it was nothing.  Stupid child!  Stupid!  Stupid!”  Victoria stopped and shook her head violently.  She stared at the floor, “No, stupid me!  I never told her the bad bits.  All she ever saw was the camaraderie, the parades, the friendship.”

Shepard looked into Liara’s eyes, she wore a pained expression.  “I’ve always treated her like she was a human girl.  By our standards, she’s an adult.  Christ!  Even Morinth didn’t run away from her mother until she was twice our little girl’s age, and she was a complete badass.  Our Samara is just a baby.”

Shepard was becoming manic; her words came at a rapid staccato, her thought pattern fragmented.  She no longer looked Liara in the face, her gaze again slowly drifted towards infinity.  “The shooting started.  Kelly died trying to get Samara clear.  Samara got hit.  I fucking lost it.  I killed a few with head shots.  I think I tore the throat out of one woman.”  Shepard only paused for breath.  “I carried Samara clear.  She was screaming.  Oh god, she was screaming so much.”  She squeezed her eyes shut, “My baby!”  Victoria took a breath choking back tears, “I patched her up and then I murdered the man who’d killed Kelly, the man who took Samara’s leg.

“I didn’t kill him in combat, he was unarmed by time I started with him.  I _murdered_ him.  No, I _slaughtered_ him.  I crushed his pathetic body with my own biotics until nothing was left but goo.  It felt good!  Oh god, it felt good.  Those _motherfuckers_ wanted to hurt my baby and I killed every last one of them!”  Shepard balled her fist, “I’d have gutted them all and strangled them with their intestines if I could.”  Her jaw was set, she spoke through her teeth.

“And then I turned to look at Samara, and she was at awe.  It was the same look I had during my first battle in the Skyllian Blitz.”

Liara looked at her mate, dumbfounded.  “What do you mean?”

“When she said it was beautiful, she meant it.  There’s no ambiguity, it’s kill or be killed.  Your world comes into sharp focus, there are no distractions.  Every movement has purpose, terrible purpose.  All of your senses work in concert; your body is a machine.  There is symmetry, you either exist or you cease to exist.  Once you’ve experienced it there’s no going back.  It changes you, irrevocably.”

Soliloquy concluded, Shepard hung her head, “I broke our daughter.  I hate myself for it, you should hate me too.  I’ve failed as a parent.”  Victoria hung her head.

Both Liara and Shepard remained silent for a long time.  Finally, Liara took Shepard’s face in her hands and kissed her.


	28. Part 2, Chapter 9, Citizen:

Part 2, Chapter 9, Citizen:

_Hate me Liara.  Please, hate me.  I’ve wronged you and Samara terribly.  I don’t deserve either of you.  I’m worthless.  I’m a terrible person.  Hate me and cast me out, I don’t want to go on._

Liara kissed her.  _No!  I don’t deserve this_.  Liara kissed her again.  She gently caressed her face, looked at Shepard with loving eyes, and kissed her a third time.  Shepard began to cry.  Liara stood, pivoted, and straddled her beloved.  She never let go of Shepard’s face.  Liara began kissing the tears as they ran down Victoria’s cheeks.

Soon Shepard realized that Liara too was crying.  _No my love, please don’t cry,_ Shepard thought.  She too began to kiss the tears as they formed on her robin’s egg blue cheeks.  She tasted the salt in her mouth, it was bitter.

Liara’s legs tightened their grip upon Shepard’s torso.  Victoria placed her strong hands under Liara’s hips, pulled her in tightly, and stood.  She carried her beloved down the veranda’s steps out into a clearing in the gardens.  Victoria gently placed her on the ground.  Liara was already unbuttoning her shirt.  The cool air rose gooseflesh on her breasts, Liara warmed them each with a tender kiss.  Her wife’s warm lips felt good, comforting, on her skin.  _In the face of death,_ thought Victoria, _an affirmation of life._

Victoria Shepard and Liara T’soni made love and joined for the last time surrounded by the beautiful flowers of the Lady Benezia’s gardens.  A faint drizzle was beginning to fall.

In the end, as they climaxed together, Victoria Shepard broke a promise she had made to her wife on their wedding night.  She withheld something from her mate during the bond.  She did it so successfully that Liara didn’t even know she was deceived. 

Victoria recalled the rest of that quote from a film over 200 years old.   _All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain.  Time to die._

*****

The next morning before Liara or Samara awoke; Shepard caught a lighter to Earth.  She left a note for Liara saying that she was going to discuss the New Orleans incident with Ashley Williams, to see if the Spectre could help in sorting out what happened.  She would be back in a day or so.


	29. Part 2, Chapter 10, Matron:

Part 2, Chapter 10, Matron:

_My love, I can’t hate you.  We’ve all made mistakes, but we’re all alive and well and together.  That’s all that matters._

Liara realized how much she needed her mate.  She needed physical intimacy.  She needed to bond with her.  Without breaking contact she straddled her beloved.  _I know how much you like it when I do this,_ Liara thought, _join with me._  

Victoria was crying.  Liara kissed her tears, they tasted of salt.  She hadn’t initiated the bond yet but she didn’t need it to feel Victoria’s pain.  Liara herself began crying.  Then Victoria was kissing _her_ tears.  Then a strong pair of arms pulled her hips in tight to her love.  _Yes, now my love!_

Victoria carried her to a clearing amongst Benezia’s flowers.  She lifted Liara’s robes over her head and laid them on the grass beside them.  Shepard squeezed Liara and pulled her in tightly.  Liara linked her feet behind Shepard’s back and strengthened her hold; she could feel Victoria’s body heat through her thighs.  The physical closeness comforted her.  A drizzle was beginning to fall.  They were both becoming quite wet.

Presently Victoria was inside of her.  She felt her pain, Victoria felt hers.  They accepted it for each other, reaffirming the bond they had forged over twenty years ago.  _I am yours beloved, and you are mine.  Forever, regardless of what has happened or what might happen in the future.  We are each other, forever._

In the end, as they climaxed together, Liara T’soni broke a promise she had made to her wife on their wedding night.  She conceived without discussing it with Victoria beforehand.

*****

The next morning Victoria was gone.  No goodbye to either Samara or her.  Just a note saying she was going to speak with Ashley Williams on Earth, and she would be back in a day or so.


	30. Part 2, Chapter 11, Soldier:

Part 2, Chapter 11, Soldier:

Commander Ashley Williams looked out into the clouds.  Without her helmet’s infrared, like Shepard she’d taken hers off, she could barely make out her boots as she sat atop Little Tahoma.  Still, the skipper wanted to go for a hike, so here she was.  Weather was marginal; a cold biting wind stung her face.  The Park Ranger at _Paradise_ had only let them on the mountain since they were wearing hard suits.  They were _ultra-light_ hard suits, but hard suits nonetheless.  _Honestly_ , Ash thought to herself, _if you’re going to go climbing in a space suit you might as well go somewhere with a view._   Olympus Mons was her personal favorite.

Ash caught herself, Shepard was saying something, “…into you.”

 _Damn this taking our helmets off, I can’t hear a thing in this wind_ , Williams thought.  “I’m sorry skipper, what did you say?”  She looked at her former commander. 

Shepard snapped out of what was a dead ringer for the _thousand-meter stare_ and looked at her.  Shepard’s face smiled, but not her eyes.  “I said,” she paused, “battle not with monsters lest ye become a monster; and if you gaze into the abyss the abyss gazes into you.”  She flashed that false smile again, “And please Ashley, call me Vikki.”

 _Oh shit!_   Alarm klaxons started wailing in Ashley’s brain.  Shepard had just quoted Friedrich Nietzsche and called her Ashley in the same breath.  _Since when are you into quoting philosophy?  Call me Vikki?  That thing with her daughter must have really rattled her._ Something was definitely wrong.  “Well, since we’re getting all literary, what _abyss_ has looked into you,” she paused, “Vikki?”

“I never wanted children,” Shepard responded.  Ash was thrown off by the non sequitur.  “I hated them growing up.  Too loud and dirty, they were always doing something annoying.  I just wanted to slap them.  Not that it mattered to me; I wanted a career in the Navy just like my parents’.”  Victoria turned to look toward where the horizon would be if not for the shifting clouds.  She had the _thousand-meter stare_ again.  “Then there was that business on Eden Prime, and I had found another reason I didn’t want children.  The universe was just too fucked up and dangerous, anyone who wanted to bring more life into this universe was a sadist!”

Ashley leaned back slightly.  She had never seen this much raw emotion out of her former commander before.  It was sobering.

“Then I met her, and things changed,” _holy shit, is she crying?_   “I wanted her.  I wanted family with her, and there wasn’t a thing in the universe that would stop me from getting that and keeping it safe.  Not even dying stopped me,” she chuckled.  “You know, I can’t have children?”  She looked at Ash, she even seemed surprised, “ _Cerberus_ couldn’t fix all of the pieces after all, and some things there just aren’t substitutes for.”

“I fought monsters Ashley, big ones.  I helped make an entire hyper-race of living machines extinct.  Evil or not, needing to be destroyed or not, I personally committed xenocide.  I destroyed an entire Mass Relay once, killed 300,000 Batarians.  I’ve killed people; straight-up _murdered_ a few.  I’ve killed enough that I never bothered keeping count.  Sometimes I even enjoyed it.  I’ve sent friends to their deaths.  I’ve watched them die.  I killed my mother,” Shepard’s voice cracked, she paused, “Just like I killed my wife’s mother while she watched no further from her than you are to me now.”

Shepard turned to look Williams in the face.  The fog cleared just enough so they could lock eyes.  Victoria’s emerald green gaze pieced the space between them with a passionate intensity.  “I didn’t do it for you, I didn’t do it for the Alliance, I didn’t do it for the Council, and I didn’t do it for the Milky Way.  I did it for them.  I became a monster to keep my baby safe from monsters, and what I’ve become nearly killed her.  I cannot let her face that same abyss, never again.”

Shepard looked out.  Suddenly, amazingly, the sky was clear.  The Fleet Base’s tower lights twinkled.  She smiled.  For a moment, she was at peace. 

_And then, the moment was gone._

She took a deep breath. 

For Victoria, time seemed to dilate.  From deep within her she pooled her biotic energy to a level she hadn’t used since the war, even including the incident with Samara.  She remembered again how _good_ it felt.  A faint mass effect glow enveloped her.  “I think, Ashley, this rough beast’s time has come round.”  Then, in a singular act, she did what she felt she must.

 _Wait, was that a fucking Yeats quote?_ thought Ashley.  Then, faster than she could have possibly reacted, Shepard, enveloped in a powerful mass effect, flew off the top of Little Tahoma in a biotic storm.

Shepard, detached from reality, didn’t consciously register that she was now a hundred meters from where she was sitting on the craggy top of a mountain.  She didn’t notice that there was nothing but two hundred meters of air separating her from the rock face below.  Nor did she notice the cold air whistling past her pale white face and billowing through her fire-red hair as she plummeted, head first, towards her abyss.

She couldn’t hurt Liara or Samara ever again.  She wouldn’t doom them to the fate that befell her.  She was taking her monster back into the abyss with her, where it wouldn’t hurt her family again.  _A clean break, it’s best this way._  

Shepard fought and, in her mind, won her last battle.

Victoria Shepard, hero, wife, _mother,_ died with a smile on her face.


	31. Epitaph:

Epitaph:

_The universe has lost a truly exceptional individual.  Admiral Victoria Regina Shepard, Alliance Navy, [Retired], the first human Spectre and hero of the Reaper War, died early yesterday morning on Earth in what officials have deemed a tragic mountain climbing accident.  She was 51 years old._

_Most famously known for her instrumental role in discovering and combatting the Reaper menace as the first human Spectre over twenty years ago, Admiral Shepard is also remembered for; establishing peaceful relations with the re-discovered Rachni, promoting the reconciliation between the Geth and the Quarian Flotilla, and helping dismantle the human supremacist terrorist organization_ Cerberus _and re-integrating its members into galactic society.  In recent years she had avoided the spotlight, living a quiet life with her family on Thessia, occasionally teaching or lecturing at universities throughout Citadel space._

_Spontaneous memorials have sprung up at Alliance embassies and offices on worlds ranging from Palaven to Tuchanka with offerings of candles, flowers, fresh meat, or any number of other local traditional items mourning the loss.  Candle light vigils are being held outside the human embassy on the Citadel and on the human colonies Zhu’s Hope and Eden Prime._

_Alliance sources report that_ SSV Normandy _, Admiral Shepard’s former command, accompanied by her sister ships_ SSV Khe Sanh _and_ SSV Khafji _of Wolf Pack 6 - Alliance 5 th Fleet, are currently transporting her body to the Systems Alliance capital on Arcturus Station.  Shepard’s body will lie in state at Parliament House until an official memorial service planned for later this week.  Alliance sources have also confirmed that _SSV Normandy, _escorted by an honor guard of ships from the Alliance 5 th Fleet, the Turian fleet, the Quarian Flotilla, and the _Destiny Ascension _, flag-ship of the Citadel Fleet, will transport her body to Thessia where she will be laid to rest in the gardens at her home at her family’s request._

_Councilor David Anderson, human representative on the Citadel Council, made the following statement to the press regarding Admiral Shepard’s passing:_

“Shepard was, quite possibly, the finest soldier I have ever had the honor of commanding.  She epitomized all that the Systems Alliance and the Citadel Council stand for.  She was the hero we needed; even when we couldn’t admit it to ourselves we needed one.  She never gave up, never shied from anything regardless of how difficult or dangerous.  She was always there for us, even when we weren’t always there for her.  Shepard was my friend.  I will miss her dearly.  My heart goes out to her family.”

 _Admiral Shepard has no living human relatives.  Her mother, Hannah Shepard, commander of the Alliance dreadnaught_ SSV Orizaba _, died in combat when her ship was destroyed in the Battle of Luna in the Sol System during the Reaper War._

_Shepard is survived by her Asari wife the Lady Dr. Liara T’soni and their daughter Samara._

_Filed: Emily Wong_

_Future Content News Corporation_

_Reproduced with permission – Citadel News Net_

Commander Ashley Williams, Citadel Council Spectre, closed the news file.  She deactivated her omni-tool and looked at the casket.  _Jesus skipper, why?_ she thought to herself.  She closed her eyes tightly in thought.  Four simple words, _we still need her_.  That’s all it took to set her into motion.  _I thought I’d be breaking up galactic conspiracies when I became a Spectre, not starting one._   She shook her head.

Anderson was right though, the galaxy still needed its hero.  What surprised Ashley wasn’t that Anderson had said it, but that Liara had said it first.  Liara _told_ Anderson that this had to be an accident.  Not even for her, but for the rest of the galaxy.  _I don’t know if I’ll ever understand aliens,_ she thought.

Having the coroner declare Shepard’s death an accident wasn’t difficult, he’d been almost eager to do it.  Aside from the Alliance midshipmen she addressed the week before her death, very few people outside of the family knew of Shepard’s erratic behavior.  The officers and midshipmen Shepard addressed knew the score; there wouldn’t be any problems there.  Spectre Williams had made sure of that personally.  Information security ran in the family.  There were no treatment or counseling records that would suggest this was anything more than a horrible accident, and Kelly was dead, so the cover-up pretty much ended there.

There would be no repeat of the Lazarus Project, on that Liara was crystal clear.

 _I know the Lord works in mysterious ways, but why?  How can this be part of His plan?_   Ashley squeezed her eyes tighter, tears appeared at their edges.  _All these gifts and you throw them away?  How could you?_

Ashley took a deep breath.  She centered herself:

_“Death closes all, but something ere the end_

_Some work of noble note, may yet be done,_

_Not unbecoming men that strove with Gods.”_

Ash opened her eyes.  All that Shepard was, all that she could have become, laid in a metal box with a flag draped over it.  “God damn it!” she kicked the casket.  It rung hollowly, echoing in _Normandy’s_ hold.  _God damn you!_


	32. Epilogue:

Epilogue:

Liara T’soni looked longingly into her beloved’s eyes.  They gazed back with the same fiery intensity they had when Victoria still lived, nearly three centuries ago.  Liara sighed and sank into her high-backed chair.  The virtual photo album switched images and projected a new hologram above her large mirror-polished obsidian desk.

She smiled at the next photograph.  Shepard lay on her back in their home on Thessia.  She held their first-born daughter, then roughly one year old, above her with outstretched arms and beamed at her.  Liara had never seen Shepard so happy as those early days.  Victoria had taken to being a new parent with few of the difficulties Liara experienced.  Perhaps the life she had lived had prepared her for the sleepless nights and the stress of the unknown.  _You were the quiet in the storm in those early years_ , Liara thought to herself, _you were my rock._

Liara sighed again as the image went dark to be replaced by a candid from their wedding.  They were dancing, something called a country waltz.  The Asari, as a people, were renowned across the galaxy as creatures of poise and grace, yet Shepard had made her look like her feet were mired in mud.  _Two left feet,_ Liara remembered a human expression.  Shepard carried herself with such confidence; perfect posture, a spotless uniform, head held high, her red hair in a tight bun, not a single strand out of place.  The irony that such fluidity of motion and carriage came to her through endless hours of mortal combat was not lost on Liara.  “Viking Victoria, _Viking Vikki_ ,” _Goddess how she hated that nickname_ , “Hero of the Blitz,” a veritable ballerina on the battlefield.  How adept she was at turning her martial prowess toward a beautiful end, a waltz with her beloved. 

 _Oh my Goddess!_   Liara’s voice caught in her throat.  She stared at the latest holographic image, two long-dead faces from her past smiled back.  They both wore winter clothing, the traditional type with something that looked like _The North Face_ printed on the left breast.  They both sported light climbing helmets and large mirrored sun goggles pushed up over their foreheads.  Both of the women’s scarves were pulled down to show radiant smiles, their perfect white teeth matched the snowfield behind them.  The pale faced woman on the left with the penetrating green eyes was none other than ‘The Savior of the Citadel’ herself, Victoria Shepard.  Beside her, an achingly beautiful cobalt blue Asari Maiden, Samara T’soni, her daughter.  They stood arms around each other’s shoulders, near the very spot where they both would die.

“Woolgathering, Councilor?”

Shaken from her reverie Liara deactivated the photo album playback.  She looked at the Commando, “You know to knock.”  Liara was abashed.  She should have heard the head of her protective detail enter the room.  _Vikki taught me better than that,_ she thought.  Of course, that was a bit unfair.  This was the anniversary of both her mate’s death, and that of their first-born daughter.  Over the centuries the Citadel’s commemoration of the Reaper War had come to be celebrated on this day, though the Alliance still celebrated its separate VR Day.  Even centuries’ practice couldn’t suppress the reaction to that photograph.  _Too bad it’s one of the best pictures I have of them.  They looked so happy._   Liara sighed internally, centered herself, and spoke, “Is everything ready?”

“Yes Councilor.  The usual preparations have been made.”

Liara shot a sidelong glance to the Asari Maiden, “I thought I told you to call me _Mother_ when we were alone.”  She smiled warmly.  Hannah T’soni, she liked to think to herself, had her _father’s_ stubborn streak.

“Yes Mother.”  Hannah shifted slightly in her armor.  “Nezzie will meet us at your apartment.”

Liara’s brow furrowed at the pet name Hannah had for her twin sister.  “Her name is Benezia.  If I wanted you to call her _Nezzie,_ I would have called her that.”  _Peace,_ Liara thought to herself.  She was falling into her usual Remembrance Day pattern.  She resolved anew to _embrace the time we have together_ , even if her time with Victoria only existed now in memory.

Liara’s Commando daughter nodded, and they were off.  Hannah piloted the air car to her mother’s apartment herself.  Liara stole a glance at her daughter, _she’s_ so _much like her_ , she thought.  The digital-cammo armor clad Maiden concentrated intently on the task of piloting.  Her pale face, left bare of tattoos despite the commando tradition of wearing elaborate decorative patterns, carried a cold intensity which reminded Liara of Shepard’s _game face_.  She projected a subdued menace well suited to her job as the head of Liara’s protection detail.

Hannah was probably the most under-utilized Council Spectre in Citadel history, Liara’s one imposition on her career.  _Thank the Goddess you didn’t inherit your_ father’s _sense of pride,_ Liara thought to herself.  Fortunately, Hannah took Liara’s eccentricity in stride.  It didn’t bother her that her mother wouldn’t allow her to take assignments beyond her protection detail.  _She probably wouldn’t be on the Council more than another couple of centuries, after all._   Impatience was another trait Hannah had not inherited from her mother’s mate.

Liara sighed to herself as the air car set down outside her residence, _if only you could have met Victoria._   She stepped from the vehicle and observed her daughter scrutinizing their surroundings.   _She can’t switch off.  Just like you Shepard,_ Liara thought to herself.  _This is going to be one of the more emotional anniversaries, isn’t it_?

Then Liara thought of her first daughter, and how she had idolized her _father_.  For a fleeting moment, as was her custom on Remembrance Day, Liara thought; _perhaps it was for the best that Hannah and Benezia never met their_ father _, and that their sister died while they were so young.  Maybe that’s why they’re still alive_.  Then, as was also her custom, she hated herself for thinking that.

In a few moments they were both inside.  The dwelling was spartan but inviting.  The furniture was a comfortable blend of human and Asari styles in warm colors.  The kitchen was small and efficient.  The decorations were very simple; a small glass case containing Prothean artifacts from Ilos, a slightly larger glass case containing the N7 hard-suit helmet Shepard wore the day she died, the first time, and a small framed picture of her and her beloved.  The latter sat beside Liara’s bed along with an old broken pocket watch.  No one ever saw the last two items.

While Hannah changed out of her armor, Liara looked out the window.  The view wasn’t quite as impressive as that from her Presidium office, but nearly so.  She gazed out over one of the Citadel’s great petals; it stretched out nearly to infinity.  The inside surface was a riot of flashing lights and colors.  Millions upon millions of people from dozens of worlds called the space station home, and it seemed as if every one of them had the lights on.  Looking upward, towards the central axis of the Citadel, Liara could see the other petals and the Serpent Nebula beyond them. 

Suddenly an image of the First Battle of the Citadel flashed to her mind.  She pictured following Shepard in their head-long run from the Conduit to the Council chambers for the final showdown with Saren.  She remembered her heart pounding, as it was pounding now.  She remembered crying out loud as she watched a piece of Sovereign impact the Council Tower.  She flinched ever so slightly.  She remembered being buried alone in rubble, not knowing if she’d live, not knowing if Shepard was even still alive.  She remembered she was more concerned with the latter than the former.  She set her jaw.  She remembered a flash of light and Captain Anderson standing above her.  Then, finally, she remembered seeing Shepard appear atop a pile of rubble.  She held her arm tightly to her side and grinned despite the shattered shoulder.  Shepard climbed down from the rubble and stood to her right.  The looked into each other’s eyes and smiled.

Hannah T’soni, dressed in a casual Asari gown and impossibly pregnant, looked into her mother’s eyes and smiled.  Liara blinked once, she transitioned from her memory, _was that what Shepard would have called a ‘flashback’_ , and returned herself to the present.  Liara blinked again realizing that Hannah was _actually_ standing to her left, wearing a simple human-style dress that was just conservative enough that she could have concealed any number of battle implements, _she never switches off_.  Hannah’s only jewelry was an old golden gorget.  The gorget had brought a flood of emotion when Hannah first started wearing it, but knowing that she did out of respect and love for her deceased sister had tempered the pain.

Liara smiled softly and turned to her other daughter, “You look radiant Benezia.  I think motherhood suits you.”  _Goddess, aren’t you a bit young to be entering your Matron stage?_   Then Liara reminded herself she was less than half Benezia’s age when she delivered Samara.  _I’m one of the youngest Matriarchs in recent memory_ , she thought.

Benezia smiled warmly, “Thank you Mother.  You’ll be a proud grandmother soon.” 

“Will you be raising her on Tuchanka?  I’ve heard you’ve been spending quite a bit of time with Urdnot Wrex,” Hannah baited her sister.

Liara arched the Asari analogue of an eyebrow and looked at her daughter.  Benezia had never mentioned who her mate was, though that was not out of the norm for her people.  Many Asari become pregnant by a partner with whom they have no intention of maintaining future contact.  There was no social stigma whatsoever associated with single mothers among her race; it was more the rule than the exception.  The idea, however, that her old friend Wrex might have _fathered_ her first granddaughter brought a smile to Liara’s face.  _I cannot believe he’s still alive.  He must be nearly two thousand years old_.  _Victoria would probably have had some choice words about_ that, she thought.

Benezia was about to rise to her sister’s bait and engage in one of their legendary squabbles, _it’s amazing how childlike a pair of three hundred year olds can behave,_ when Liara spoke, “Have you thought of a name?”

The twins closed their mouths and looked at their mother.  Then they looked at each other.  A silent agreement was reached, they nodded.  “Yes Mother,” she hesitated, “If it’s ok.”

Liara closed her eyes, raised her head slightly and inhaled.  She smiled, opened her eyes, and looked at her daughters, “Of course it is.”  For a moment all of Liara’s longing and sorrow for her departed mate and daughter fell away, she was happy, content.  In her family she was complete, “It’s a good name.”  For a moment, she was at peace.

_And then, the moment was gone._

 

-End


End file.
